Dang O' Ponies
by Ltmajordude
Summary: When the world ends, Hank and his friends are teleported to Equestria. I do not own King of the Hill nor Friendship Is Magic. FINAL CHAPTER IS UP. SEQUEL FOR DANG O' PONIES! CHECK CHAPTER 22 FOR MORE INFO!
1. The day the world ended

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

* * *

Hank Hill, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer replied.

They were outside Hank's house, sipping beer.

A few minutes later, they noticed someone in a radioactive suit coming out of Dale's house.

"Oh God" Hank muttered after realizing who it was:  
Dale Gribble.

The suited man came to the guys and took out his mask.

"Hello, my dear friends" Dale said.

"Dale, what are you doing?" Hank sighed.

"You didn't hear the news? Word is that the world's gonna end at midnight. I knew that global warming will eventually take effect! I'm getting ready just in case. I also took the liberty of giving you all radioactive suits!" Dale replied, giving radioactive suits to his friends.

Hank just shook his head and headed home, throwing the radioactive suit in the trash can.

"Stupid Dale. Thinking the world's gonna end" Hank replied, holding back his laughter.

* * *

It was _11:57 PM_

Hank was trying to go to sleep but can't.

"Well since I'm awake, I might as well grab a beer"

Hank got off the bed and went to the kitchen.

_11:58 PM_

Hank took a beer from the fridge and opened it.

He stood next to window, taking a sip.

_11:59 PM_

Hank chuckled to himself.

"End of the world. Good one Dale"

He saw the radioactive suit in the garbage bin.

_12:00 AM_

Hank finished his beer and went outside to put it in his recycling bin.

He noticed a white light in the sky.

"Huh?"

It suddenly became bigger and bigger.

"What the hell?"

* * *

Hank later woke up.

He didn't know what happened.

He noticed he was in a forest.

"Oh, my head" Hank muttered putting his hoof on his head.

Wait, hoof?

Hank noticed that his hand had been replaced by a hoof.

He noticed a small puddle and quickly looked at his reflection.

* * *

A familiar "BRWAHH!" sound was heard from Ponyville, surprising everyone.


	2. README

**Hey guys,**

**I just you to know im gonna try something different**

**readers all you have to do is send your suggestions on wat will happen next chapter through reviews**

**I'll pick the best one to use for the next chapter.**

**Please send in replies!**


	3. What happened before the end

**Im doing another chapter**

**im an impatient guy :P**

* * *

**A very few minutes earlier before the end of the world**

* * *

_11:57 PM_

Dale is hiding in his basement looking at his watch.

He has a serious look on his face.

Bill is can't go to sleep.

He went to the kitchen to grab a beer.

Boomhauer also had the same problem.

He did the same thing, grab a beer.

_11:58 PM_

Dale slowly narrowed his eyes.

Bill looked sad.

Boomhauer just laughed to himseld.

_11:59 PM_

"Anytime..."

"Lenore..."

"Dang o' end of the world..."

_12:00 AM_

A white light suddenly appeared.

"Holy..."

"Ahhh..."

"Hey man, i tell you what Ahhh..."

* * *

"Ughhh..."

Dale woke up, followed by Bill then Boomhauer.

They noticed everyone is staring at them.

Did I say everyone? I meant everyPONY.

Both Dale and Boomhauer looked shocked.

Then they noticed something else...

...their hands, or HOOVES.

Both Dale and Boomhauer screamed in horror.

Bill just...smiled...ear to ear.

* * *

A familiar "BRWAHH!" sound was heard from Ponyville, surprising everyone.

Dale smirked.

"Looks like Hank was wrong"

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**Please give me suggestions!**


	4. Meeting Hank

**VERY impatient XD**

"Looks like Hank was wrong"

Dale looked at his friends and said:

"Shall we check it out?"

"Yo"

"You guys go. I'll go...check this place out."

Dale and Boomhauer went to the forest.

Bill just smiled like a madman.

"Of all the places to be in, it had to be My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic"

Bill chuckled to himself, for he...

...was a brony.

* * *

Dale and Boomhauer stood at the heart of the forest.

"Um after you"

"Tell you want man how about we flip a coin, rock paper scissors or something"

"How do we do that with hooves?"

"Dang o how should i kno"

Before Dale can say anything, he noticed a scared unicorn running towards them.

Dale looked closely. This pony was wearing glasses...

Hank's glasses?

"Hank?"

The unicorn suddenly stopping running.

"Dale?"

Boomhauer spoke up.

"Yo man"

"Boomhauer?"

Hank suddenly passed out.

Dale smirked.

"I thought him crying in a theater was hilarious but this..."

Boomhauer laughed.

"Hey man i tell ou what heh heh priceless"

**Please review!**


	5. Bill's Secret

Hank suddenly woke up

He was being dragged by Dale and Boomhauer to Ponyville.

Dale turned around and smirked.

"Looks like Sleeping Beauty's awake"

Hank stood up.

"Shut up Dale"

They noticed a pink mare walking towards them.

Hank spoke up to the pony.

"Excuse me ma'am?"

The pink pony looked at them for a few seconds.

She jumped into the air, gasping, and ran away.

Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer stood there confused.

"Hey guys!"

They heard a familiar voice and looked behind them.

It was Bill, running towards them.

"I see you met Pinkie Pie"

Dale looked confused.

"Pinkie What?"

Bill smiled happily.

"Pinkie Pie. One of Twilight Sparkle's friends. Represents the Element of Laughter. She ran away because she wants to throw you a party. She did the same thing to Twilight Sparkle in Season 1, Episode 1 in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic!"

Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer stood there even **MORE** confused.

Bill noticed their confusion.

"Oh yeah. You didn't know I was a brony."

Dale looked shocked.

"Brony? A term for male people, both young, old, gay, straight, or bisexual, who loves My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic?"

Bill nodded.

Dale suddenly passed out.

Boomhauer chuckled to himself.

"Dang o' first Hank then Dale. heh heh"

Hank glared at Boomhauer.

"Don't make me kick your ass"

"Flank" Bill corrected.

Hank looked at Bill.

"Sorry" Bill muttered.

"Tell you what man, how DO you kick my dang o ass, I mean 'flank,' man"

Hank looked confused.

"Good question. Come on guys. Let's pick up Dale so we can explore a bit."

Boomhauer lifted Dale up Bill's back.

The three guys begin to explore Ponyville.

* * *

Hank and his friends didn't notice, but a dark green stallion with a gray mane and tail was eavesdropping on them.

"Good question. Come on guys. Let's pick up Dale so we can explore a bit."

As they went on their way, the green stallion smiled and chuckled to himself.

"Well. Well. Well. It looks like my good for nothing boy's here."

He slowly followed them, quietly chuckling to himself.

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	6. Unlikely Reunion

Hank, Dale (who just woke up), Bill (their "tour guide"), and Boomhauer finished exploring.

Dale spoke up.

"Um...thanks for the tour Bill"

Hank and Boomhauer said the same thing, both shocked about the truth of Bill.

The green stallion who was spying to himself frowned.

"That's it. All they do is look around. Might as well make it more interesting"

He suddenly appeared in front of Hank and his friends, surprising them.

The green stallion smirked.

"Well...I thought I'd see you here boy"

Hank was confused but was shocked after realizing what the voice was...

"Dad?"

The green stallion laughed evilly.

"That's right. **I'M COTTON HILL. AND I KILLED FIDDYMEN!**"

Dale looked scared.

"Colonel?"

"Dang o How?"

Cotton smiled and told them his story.

"November 11, 2007. The day I died. kinda ironic cuz it was Veteran's Day. Anyway, when i died, i was expecting to go to hell wit my war buddies. Instead i was sent here as a horse. It looked gay, but better than having Satan whup your ass! At first, i didnt wanna be stuck here. Eventually i got used to it. i lived in the forest, feeding off of plants and bugs. Better than eating mice droppings, or 'Jungle Rice.' Eventually i found out hank was teleported here. I followed him and found you guys. i continued spying on you until i got bored and decided to drop the act. And now we're here!"

Hank and his friends just stared at him.

"By the way, when did you guys get here?"

Dale spoke up.

"September 14, 2009"

Cotton whistled.

"By the way. Where's Hank's wife?"

Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer just looked at each other.

They had no idea where the others are.

Cotton broke the silence.

"Well, i might as well join you guys. Got nothing to do."

Hank sighed but let him join them.

They decided to walk around, maybe ask for help.

* * *

A large red stallion and an orange pony are busy kicking apple trees.

A brownish stallion with a black tail and mane walked by.

He noticed the two horses kicking trees.

"Redneck hillbillies"

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	7. Unlikely Encounter

Hank and his friends (including his father) are wondering where to go to next.

"How about 'Sweet Apple Acres?' I can go for an apple. I'm sure Applejack can give us one."

Hank sighed.

"So when did you become a brony?"

Bill smiled.

"Since I was 15 years old."

_**Note: I am aware that MLP: FIM was released in 2010. This is my story OK?**_

Cotton laughed.

"I can go for an apple. Better than bugs and green plants."

Hank sighed but agreed. He couldn't believe his father is here.

* * *

Hank and his friends arrived at Sweet Apple Acres.

Hank sighed.

"Well, we're here..."

"What the? Not you rednecks!"

Hank quickly turned around and was shocked to see who it was.

"Kahn? Kahn Souphanousinphone?"

A brownish stallion was walking towards them. He looked angry.

"Yeah its me"

Hank groaned.

"You're here too?"

"I am everywhere you want to be Hank Hill"

Kahn couldn't help but laugh.

Cotton smiled and threw 10 bits at the ground.

"Mr Kahn. I'd like a Mai Tai."

Kahn looked more angry.

Dale was confused.

"How did you get that money?"

Cotton smirked.

"I have my ways"

Kahn told the guys what happened after the end of the world.

"I woke up in some town with ponies. Called Canterlot."

Bill gasped.

"Kahn, you're a lucky ducky"

Kahn rolled his eyes and continued his story.

"Got sick of it. Too classy. Especially for ponies. Traveled somewhere else. Now I'm here."

Hank groaned.

"First Dad, now Kahn. I could really use a beer."

"What in tarnation's a beer?"

Hank and his friends turned around and to their horror, (except Bill) saw a talking orange mare with a cowboy hat.

Bill gasped.

"Oh my God! It's Applejack!"

Applejack looked confused.

"How do ya know mah name?"

Hank grabbed Bill and whispered to his ear.

"Damn it Bill. We can't let her know we're from Earth!"

Hank let go of Bill and replied to Applejack.

"Hi. I'm Hank Hill. These are my friends: Bill Dauterive, Dale Gribble, Jeff Boomhauer, and Kahn Souphanousinphone. This is my father, Cotton Hill."

"Howdy to meet ya'll. I'm Applejack. Ya'll ain't around from here, aren't ya?"

"Tell you what man, no."

"I know everything around here!" Bill shouted.

"Shut up." Hank growled.

Dale snapped.

"OUR WORLD IS NO MORE AND NOW WE'RE STUCK HERE IN A WORLD WITH TALKING HORSES!"

He suddenly fainted.

Applejack stood there VERY confused.

Hank just sighed.

Cotton just laughed.

"This is funnier than Hank's narrow urethra."

"Shut up Dad."

**Sorry about Applejack. Never was good at southern accents. **

**Read and Review!**


	8. Hank's Explanation

"Shut up Dad."

Bill whispered to Hank.

"We might as well tell Applejack everything."

Hank sighed but agreed. There's no point in trying to lie.

Applejack stood there confused.

Hank explained.

"Well miss...We're not from this world of yours. We're from another world called Earth. At our world, there are no talking animals. Just humans. We were humans, but after Dale told us our world is going to end...We found ourselves in YOUR world."

"I tell ya what man, i dont think she believed us."

Applejack just stood there. She wanted to believe them, but she didn't understand what they were talking about.

Dale woke up.

"Told you the world was gonna end, Hank. You NEVER believe me."

Hank sighed.

"Is NOW the perfect time, Dale?"

Applejack suddenly had an idea.

"Maybe mah friend can help you."

Bill gasped.

"We get to meet TWILIGHT SPARKLE?"

Applejack looked at Hank.

"If ya'll from 'Earth,' how come your friend knows so much about us?"

Hank rolled his eyes.

"Bill, explain."

Bill explained.

"In our world, you DO exist. Well, as a TV show, called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.' It was a girls' show but men, who call themselves 'bronies' also loved it."

Applejack was confused. These guys must be from a strange world.

"Well I guess we better get to Twi's place."

Bill smiled.

"I know the way."

Applejack shrugged and followed Bill.

Hank and his friends also followed Bill.

Applejack had one more question.

"By the way, what's a narrow urethra?"

**Read and Review!**


	9. Meeting the Mane 6

"Well we're here."

Hank and his friends arrived at Twilight's library.

Bill let out a tear.

"It's bigger than I thought"

Hank rolled his eyes and knocked on the door.

A small baby dragon opened the door.

Dale gasped and picked up the dragon.

"Holy crap. A dragon! This is much better than aliens!"

Dale then shake the dragon like a cocktail. The dragon became sick.

"Please...stop..."

Hank hit Dale.

"Damn it Dale, let him go"

Dale dropped the dragon. Bill gasped.

"It's Spike! He's more cute than in the TV show!"

Spike looked confused.

"What?"

Bill pushed him aside and went in the library.

There he saw 5 familiar ponies. Bill screamed like a girl. Then he shouted at the top of his lungs:

**"OH MY GOD! IT'S TWILIGHT SPARKLE, RAINBOW DASH, PINKIE PIE, RARITY, AND FLUTTERSHY!"**

The 5 ponies just looked at him confused. Bill suddenly fainted.

Cotton walked in.

"Whats wit everyone fainting?"

Applejack, Hank, Dale, Kahn, and Boomhauer walked in.

Applejack noticed Bill on the floor. She grinned weakly.

"Uh...Hey Twi. I found some ponies ya should talk to."

Hank introduced himself and his friends (and his father). He also told them their story.

Twilight looked carefully at them.

Hank was a light brown unicorn, with a dark brown mane and tail. He was wearing his signature glasses.

Dale was an orange pegasus, with a light brown mane and tail. He was wearing his signature sunglasses.

Bill was an dark brown Earth pony, with a gold mane and tail.

Boomhauer was an tan pegasus, with a light yellow mane and tail.

Cotton was an Earth pony, his back legs were shorter than his forelegs. Kahn was just a unicorn, nothing special.

Bill woke up.

"Oh my god! I'm your number one fan, Twi!"

Twilight looked confused.

"Um thanks?"

Hank sighed and then realized something.

"Wait. Where are we going to live?"

His friends became surprised. They don't know where they're going to live.

Twilight smiled.

"I have an extra room."

The 5 other ponies said the same thing.

Bill sighed happily.

"This is why I love you girls, I mean mares."

After some discussing, it was finally agreed. Hank would live with Twilight, Dale would live with Rainbow Dash, Bill would live with Pinkie Pie, Boomhauer would live with Rarity, Cotton would live with Applejack, and Kahn would live with Fluttershy.

Bill spoke to his friends.

"Maybe we can hang out in the library the next day?"

Hank took a look at the library and smiled.

"Sure. Maybe we can read some of these books and learn more about..."

"Equestria" Bill interrupted.

"Dang o' sounds good."

The Mane 6 returned home, along with their new roommates.

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	10. Getting Familiar with their Homes

**_Twilight's Library_**

Hank Hill looked around the library amazed.

"You have so many books here."

Twilight smiled.

"So what did you do on Earth"

Hank smiled proudly and said boldly:

**"I sell propane and propane accessories"**

Spike frowned.

"What's propane?"

Hank dropped his mouth. A world that doesn't know anything about propane.

Twilight took out a book on Pony Mythology. She turned to the 'human' chapter.

"Maybe this book will say something about 'propane'"

Hank sighed and looked at an empty glass to see his reflection.

He closed his eyes and thought how much he was gonna miss propane.

His horn glowed and the glass suddenly became filled with a familiar liquid.

He opened his eyes and gasped.

"PROPANE! I USED MAGIC TO MAKE PROPANE!"

Twilight had told Hank how unicorns can use magic after his friends left.

Twilight and Spike looked at him.

Hank smiled.

"I'll explain another time. Um can you show me to my room?"

"Sure thing."

After Twilight showed Hank his room, he lied on his bed.

"Sweet Lady Propane" he sighed.

* * *

_**Rainbow Dash's House**_

Dale was amazed by Rainbow Dash's home.

She smiled.

"What do you think?"

"Looks pretty cool"

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but ask:

"So, what do you do for a living?"

Dale smiled.

"Exterminator. I kill insects and rodents, like rats"

Rainbow Dash looked nervous. She knew Fluttershy wouldn't approve this.

Dale asked.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I work at the weather factory"

Dale looked surprised.

"Pegasus ponies can control the weather?"

Rainbow Dash nodded. Dale was even more amazed.

"I have GOT to learn how to do that."

Rainbow Dash giggled.

"It's not so hard really"

There was a long silence.

Dale broke the silence.

"I might as well rest for a bit"

Rainbow Dash showed Dale his room. She was gonna enjoy having him in her home.

* * *

**_Sugar Cube Corner_**

Bill and Pinkie Pie both walked in, wide grins on their faces.

Bill asked.

"So, where's your aunt and uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Cake?"

Pinkie giggled.

"Oh, they're busy catering. Waitaminute. How did you know about them?"

Bill smiled at her and told her all about MLP:FIM.

She began to jump around, giggling.

"So, we're celebrities?"

Bill smiled happily. Right next to Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie was also his favorite pony.

"Oh! Where's their kids? I want to see them!"

Pinkie giggled and showed him where they are.

Bill smiled and chuckled to himself.

"They're more cuter than in the TV show"

Pinkie smiled. She liked him. He was very nice and friendly.

She was gonna enjoy having him stay over.

* * *

**_Carousel Boutique_**

After Rarity showed Boomhauer around, he spoke up.

"I tell you wat man, nice dresses man, looks like Ross or something"

Rarity looked confused.

"Do you always talk like this?"

"Dang o' talk like what, man? I always talk this yo"

Rarity shrugged.

He does look handsome, she thought.

"So what did you do on Earth"

Boomhauer smirked.

"Dang o' ladies man yo"

She smiled. He may speak weird but he sure was handsome enough to be irresistible.

"I can tell. Do you want me to show you your room?"

Boomhauer nodded.

"Yo man"

Rarity spoke up.

"I prefer LADY"

"Dang o' sure whatever"

Rarity couldn't help but blush as she showed him to his room.

* * *

_**Sweet Apple Acres**_

"Well, here we are!" Applejack shouted.

Cotton smirked.

"Damn! You harvest this place yourself?"

Applejack grinned nervously. She didn't like to talk about the time she tried to harvest the whole orchard by herself.

"Um, no. Sometimes mah big brother helps me. Oh look! There he is!"

A big red stallion walked towards Applejack and Cotton.

"Hey Big Macintosh! Nice day we're having huh?"

The red stallion smiled.

"Eeyup"

Cotton frowned and narrowed his eyes at Big Macintosh. Cotton heard his son's friends do that "Yup" thing in the alley back in Earth. He had a feeling Big Macintosh was gonna be another Hank.

At least he doesn't work in a gas station, Cotton thought.

Cotton slowly raised his hoof towards Big Macintosh. Cotton had a stern look.

"Cotton Hill"

Big Macintosh gave a confused look, but shook Cotton's hoof.

"Um Big Macintosh"

Applejack, unaware of Cotton's look on his face, smiled.

"I bet y'all will get along jus' fine!"

Cotton narrowed his eyes more and whispered:

"Yeah. Just FINE"

Big Macintosh grinned weakly.

* * *

**_Fluttershy's Cottage_**

"Um we're here" Fluttershy said.

Kahn was surprised.

"Man, you have a truckload of animals here!"

Fluttershy smiled. She'll take that as a compliment.

Kahn looked happy.

Then he realized something. He was in a home with animals. A house with animals, like redneck homes. And yet he doesn't think of Fluttershy as a redneck. But, then again, she was nice and sweet and beautif...

Kahn eyes widen. He couldn't be in... what about Minh...and his daughter.

"Um are you OK?" Fluttershy asked.

Kahn shook his head and smiled his best.

"Sorry. Just thinking about Minh."

Fluttershy smiled sweetly.

"Oh...Is she your special pony?"

Kahn smiled.

"Nope. Wife."

Fluttershy smiled brightly.

"That's wonderful"

Kahn smirked.

"So can you show me my room"

Kahn cursed at himself for bringing up that right away rudely.

Fluttershy just smiled.

"Sure thing"

She showed him to his room.

Kahn smiled. He was gonna enjoy having her around here.

Ugh, stop it, Kahn thought as he lied on his bed.

* * *

**_Twilight's Library_**

_**Midnight**_

Hank lied on his bed with a worried look.

"My friends, Dad, and Kahn are here...but what about Peggy, Bobby, and some other people i know?"

Hank yawned.

"Oh well. I bet they're OK"

Hank had no trouble sleeping.

**Read and Review!**


	11. Meeting up with Hank

**_Twilight's Library_**

**_The next day  
_**

Hank was busy working on a familiar invention outside the library.**  
**

Twilight was rubbing her chin and trying to figure out what Hank was building.

Dale and Bill walked towards the library and smirked when they realized what Hank was building.

"Building a propane grill, Hank?" Dale said.

Hank smirked.

"Yup"

Bill smiled.

"You sound like Big Macintosh!"

"Ugh, don't mention that name" Cotton muttered as he walked towards the library.

Twilight looked confused.

"Propane Grill? What's that?"

Hank stopped building and explained for a while what propane is, what it can be used for, the grill, how it can grill food.

When Hank just mentioned meats, Bill realized something.

"Uh Hank? I don't think you tell Twi about steak."

Hank looked confused.

"Why not?"

Then he realized that in Equestria, there were no such things as steaks, or porks, or stuff like that.

Hank looked sad. Bill put a hoof on his shoulder.

"Sorry Hank. But we're ponies. They eat hay, flowers, you know, pony food."

Hank realized something.

"Maybe I can use my grill to grill pony food!"

"Sheesh. Its 7:00 AM and you rednecks already working?" Kahn shouted as he walked towards Hank.

Hank frowned. Kahn was really a pain in the ass.

"Dang o' yo man" Boomhauer said as he walked towards his friends.

He was wearing a nice tuxedo with a red tie.

His friends just looked at him, both Dale and Cotton trying to hold their laughter.

Twilight blushed.

"Oh um nice suit Boomhauer"

Boomhauer smirked.

"I tell you what man, dang o' Rarity made this for me man yo."

Cotton could no longer hold his laughter.

Hank just rolled his eyes and continued working on his grill.

Cotton walked up to Hank.

"Hey Hank guess what? There's this red horse who says 'Yup' like you. Big Macintosh" Cotton said with a bit of disappointment in his voice.

Hank raised his eyebrow. Sounds like someone he can have a beer.

The thought of the lack of beer Equestria made Hank upset.

"I could use a drink"

Bill smiled.

"We could go out for some juice."

His friends just looked at him strangely...

...and thought it was a good idea.

* * *

Hank and his friends (except Cotton and Kahn, who were reading some of the books in Twilight's library) stood outside Twilight's library with bottles of juice. They were standing in the same way they did in Earth.

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

They just stood outside not saying a word.

Hank spoke up.

"Boy I tell you what, I would really like to meet this Big Macintosh"

Bill laughed.

"I bet you two will get along!"

Hank just smirked.

* * *

As Twilight, Cotton, and Kahn are reading books, Cotton just narrowed his eyes as he read a book about Ponyville history.

"I'm watching you Clifford the Big Red Dog. I dont trust ya..."

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	12. Meeting Big Mac

_**The Next Day**_

Hank, Bill, and Kahn were heading towards Sweet Apple Acres.

Hank wanted to meet Big Macintosh. Bill also came just in case Hank need any My Little Pony info. Kahn also came because, despite the fact he loathes rednecks, wanted to see them work.

As they walked to the farmhouse, they saw Cotton there.

"Well well well. If it aint my good for nuthing boy, Fatty, and Mr. Kahn. What y'll doing here anyway?"

Hank sighed.

"Do you know where this Big Macintosh fella is"

Cotton frowned.

"Kicking trees for apples."

Kahn smirked.

"This Mac guy sounds like a hillbillie"

Bill glared at Kahn so hard, that Kahn was scared for a moment.

"DO. NO. CALL. BIG. MACINTOSH. A. HILL. BILLY."

Kahn gulped.

"Um...ok"

Hank rolled his eyes and walked towards massive apple orchard.

As he walked towards the apple orchard, he saw a huge red stallion come out with a harness with baskets full of apples.

Hank smiled. Bill told him what Big Macintosh looked like.

"Morning. I'm Hank Hill"

Big Macintosh smiled.

"Ah'm Big Macintosh. Applejack told me about ya"

Hank chuckled.

"Yeah...So how's my dad? Causing any trouble"

Big Macintosh's eyes widen.

"Cotton's yuir father?"

Hank nodded.

"Yup. Sadly, I'm considered a disappointment to him. He appreciates my younger half-brother, G.H, more than me."

Big Macintosh gave a confused look.

"G.H.?"

"Short for 'Good Hank.' He wanted to name him 'Hank' but since it's already taken by me, he calls him 'Good Hank' which makes me feel I'm 'Bad Hank'"

Big Macintosh frowned. A father who is disappointed by his own son? he wanted say something sympathetic to Hank, but Hank cut him off.

"I don't mind. Don't tell anyone about this, but sometimes, I think he's a jackass"

Big Macintosh sighed. It must be depressing world Hank lives in.

"By the way, that Boomhauer fella, wat's wit the talking?"

Hank chuckled lightly.

"It's a long story"

As Hank and Big Macintosh were having a friendly conversation, Cotton walked up to them.

He glared at Big Macintosh.

"Lovely day, huh"

Big Macintosh grinned weakly.

"Eeyup"

Hank also grinned weakly.

"Yup"

Cotton glared at Big Macintosh at bit more before leaving.

As soon as Cotton was out of sight, Big Macintosh asked:

"It seems yuir father doesn't trust me"

Hank wondered for a bit, then realized why.

"Bill told me you say 'Eeyup' a lot"

Big Macintosh grinned.

"Eeyup"

Hank nodded.

"In my world, me and my friends like to stand around drinking something called beer and say 'Yup' a lot"

Big Macintosh finally understood.

"So yuir dad thinks I'm like you. I git now"

Hank sighed.

"Try talking to him and tell him you are nothing like me."

Big Macintosh nodded.

"He may ignore me, but I'll try"

Just then, Dale came flying towards Hank and landed next to him. His mane is all messed up, his sunglasses are broken and his left eye is twitching.

Hank and Big Macintosh looked at him with worried looks. Hank spoke up.

"Um...Dale? What's wron..."

"**HANK! I NEED CIGARETTES!**"

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	13. CIGARETTES!

Hank looked confused.

"What?"

"**HANK PLEASE! I NEED CIGARETTES! NO ONE HERE KNOWS WHAT A CIGARETTE IS AND KAHN WON'T MAKE ME ONE! PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HANK!**"

Big Macintosh looked confused.

"What in tarnation's a cigarette?"

Hank sighed.

"I'll explain another time. Dale, listen..."

Dale suddenly grabbed Hank's shoulders, constantly shaking Hank back and forth.

"**HANK I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN! I WANT TO SMOKE CIGARETTES! PLEASE, DEAR GOD, MAKE ME A CIGARETTE BEFORE I KILL MYSELF!**"

Hank sighed even more.

"Fine, I'll try"

Dale hugged Hank tightly.

"**THANK YOU! OH THANK YOU**"

"Let's go visit Ms. Sparkle. Sorry Big Macintosh. I'll talk to you later. Try to tell Cotton you're not like me."

Big Macintosh nodded.

"Eeyup"

"**HERE HANK! LET ME FLY YOU TO TWILIGHT!**"

Dale picked up Hank and placed Hank on Dale's back. Then he flew at a great speed, followed by "**BRWAHH!**" sound.

Big Macintosh stood there confused, but then got back to work, constantly reminding himself to talk to Cotton.

* * *

Kahn was near Fluttershy's cottage, eating a cupcake Pinkie Pie made for him after he went to visit Sugar Cube Corner. He went to visit her after he immediately got bored at Sweet Apple Acres.

She may act crazy, but at least she aint no hillbilly, Kahn thought.

The cupcake tasted great, but what Kahn didn't like was how Pinkie Pie told him how to make cupcakes...

...by SINGING.

Kahn shuddered. The song was still stuck on his head.

_All you have to do is take a cup of flour!_  
_Add it to the mix!_  
_Now just take a little something sweet, not sour!_  
_A bit of salt, just a pinch!_

_Baking these treats is such a cinch!_  
_Add a teaspoon of vanilla!_  
_Add a little more, and you count to four,_  
_And you never get your fill of..._

_Cupcakes! So sweet and tasty!_  
_Cupcakes! Don't be too hasty!_  
_Cupcakes! Cupcakes, cupcakes, CUPCAKES!_

Kahn decided to sing a song to help him forget that song.

When he opened the door, he shouted at the top of his lungs:

_That's what I like about you_  
_You really know how to dance_  
_YEAAAAAAHH!_

Kahn did not noticed Fluttershy's shocked look on her face.

_She blinded me with science_  
_TOO too too_  
_She blinded me... with SCIENCE!_

When Kahn stopped singing, he noticed the scared look on Fluttershy's face.

"Oh...um...Sorry"

Fluttershy grinned weakly.

"That's OK. Just. Don't surprise me like that OK?"

Kahn sighed and smiled softly.

"OK. I Promise. Sorry about that."

He went to his room to rest.

* * *

**_Twilight's Library_**

"**HANK! DEAR GOD HOW FAR ARE YOU DONE? !**"

Hank was frantically flipping pages on a book about Plant Mythology. Twilight and Spike just looked at Dale, who was twitching and rolling on the floor, with scared looks. Spike suddenly fainted from seeing Dale suffer. Twilight just stood there, shocked.

Hank shouted.

"I think I figured it out Dale!"

Dale suddenly jumped up and landed next to Hank.

"**YOU THINK OR ARE YOU SURE? !**"

Hank gritted his teeth as he reached for some scrolls Twilight wasn't using.

"Let's find out!"

His horn glowed so brightly that it almost blinded Twilight.

When the light disappeared, the scrolls turned into these small white tubes with a yellow end on each of them.

Dale's jaw dropped.

"**CIGARETTES! OH THANK YOU SO MUCH HANK RUTHERFORD HILL!**"

He hugged Hank and took all the cigarettes and put all of them in his mouth.

Hank rolled his eyes and used his magic to light all of them.

Dale suddenly calmed down and walked out of the library, thanking Hank and Twilight.

Hank shouted.

"Remember Dale! Don't smoke them in front of kids!"

* * *

Cotton went into his room, tired from bucking trees. He was actually good at it despite his short back legs.

As he walked to his bed, he heard somepony walking in his room. Cotton turned around and knew who it was.

Giving one of his hateful glares, he said:

"Oh, if it ain't Clifford the Big Red Dog?"

Big Macintosh justed sighed.

"Listen, Cotton. We need to talk."

Cotton rolled his eyes and sat in his bed with his arms crossed, ready to hum a song in his head to ignore Big Macintosh.

**Should I make Cotton hate Big Macintosh or should**  
**I end their rivalry?**

**Read and Review!**


	14. Just an ordinary day

Cotton almost fell asleep until Big Macintosh finished talking to Cotton.

"And that's why I'm not like yuir son"

Cotton growled.

"Coming from a horse with an apple on his ass..."

Big Macintosh got a little offended but immediately calmed down. Now that Cotton mentioned it, Big Macintosh looked over at Cotton's flank and saw his Cutie Mark. It was a green army helmet from WWII. Big Macintosh couldn't help but ask:

"What does yuir Cutie Mark mean?"

Cotton barked.

"How the hell should I know? I don't know what a goddamn Cutie Mark is! Now get the hell of my sight!"

Cotton grabbed his pillow and threw it Big Macintosh, who was retreating to his room.

Cotton flew himself on top of the bed, gritting his teeth.

"Oh how I **HATE** that red piece of..."

* * *

**_The next morning_**

Dale walked in Twilight's library. He saw Spike sweeping the floor.

Dale smiled.

"Oh hey Spike"

Spike looked up.

"Oh hey Dale, if you're looking for Hank, he went to visit Pinkie Pie."

Dale frowned and was about to leave when Spike said:

"Oh hey, I got a question"

Dale turned around.

"I refuse to give information on where I am from. You may ask your question."

Spike pointed at Dale's flank.

"What's with your Cutie Mark?"

Dale blinked. Bill told his friends what "Cutie Marks" are when they dragged Hank's unconscious body that one time. He turned around and saw his Cutie Mark. It was blood red fly swatter.

"Oh this? It's a fly swatter. Useful for killing flies. I was an Exterminator."

Spike gulped.

"You...kill...ponies?"

Dale shook his head

"Nope. Animals. Like bugs and rats and such"

Spike calmed down a little bit.

"Oh. Just don't tell that to Fluttershy. She loves animals and I bet she would get upset if she know you kill animals"

Just then, Hank came in. His hair looked less messy. Dale looked at Hank's Cutie Mark. It was a propane tank. He then noticed Hank's haircut.

"What happened to your hair?"

Bill walked in.

"Gave him a small haircut"

Dale looked at Bill's Cutie Mark. It was a pair of scissors used by barbers.

Dale chuckled.

"Makes sense"

* * *

Kahn was walking around Ponyville. He felt like looking around. He saw Boomhauer with his tuxedo and a couple of mares following him, commenting his looks.

Kahn smirked and walked towards Boomhauer.

"Must be stressful having girls around you"

Boomhauer smirked.

"Yo man, I tell you what man, dang o got a better cutie sign then you yo"

He showed Kahn his cutie mark: a handsome looking tuxedo with a beautiful red tie. His Cutie Mark was similar to the dress he was wearing.

Kahn frowned. His Cutie Mark was a Mai Tai. He wanted something good, like a business man's suit or a song note.

Kahn shrugged. At least he was good at something. Being a bartender. Great.

* * *

**_Sweet Apple _****_Acres_**

**_Nighttime_**

Big Macintosh was lying on his bed with a look of concern on his face. He had to do something about Cotton and fast. Just by looking at Cotton's Cutie Mark, he knew Cotton was somepony you wouldn't want to mess with...

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	15. A FireFighting We Will Go!

**I have decided to make this chapter based on one of my favorite episodes. **

**Enjoy!**

_**Interrogation Room**_

A red unicorn with a grey mane and tail and a fireman's (or firepony's) helmet is pacing back and forth with a pissed look on his face.

Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer are sitting down with worried faces. Hank's glasses and Dale's sunglasses are broken. Bill's face has been burned. Boomhauer has a bandage on his ear.

The red stallion, who was the fire chief, glared at Hank and his friends.

"You guys are in BIG BIG trouble. This is the worst offense I've seen in my 14 years of chief fire investigator!"_**  
**_

Bill immediately stood up from his chair.

"Dauterive comma William Fontaine de la Tour comma Ex Sergeant Barber comma United States"_**  
**_

Hank snapped.

"Comma numbskull comma shut up!"

Dale stood up from his seat.

"Well gotta go"

The fire chief glared at Dale.

"Sit DOWN. Nobody's going anywhere until I found out how this happened. Now, according to Red Blaze's statement, you were reading books inside Miss Sparkle's library"

* * *

**_Twilight's Library_**

**_5 days _****_earlier_**

Hank, Dale, Boomhauer, and Twilight are busy reading books.

Hank spoke up.

"I talked to Bill, he said he was gonna be late today"

Just then, they heard a fire truck outside. Hank and his friends stepped outside to see the fire truck stopped in front of the library.

Twilight chuckled.

"There's old Red Blaze and his fire truck"

A light red Pegasus came out of the fire truck. Bill also came out of the fire truck with a firepony's helmet. Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer looked at him with surprised looks.

He ran to his friends.

"I'm a firepony! I'm a..."_**  
**_

Bill suddenly tripped over a stone.

Hank sighed.

The red Pegasus, who was named Red Blaze, walked up to Hank.

"Professional fireponies got the red flu this morning, leaving just us volunteers. They're holding out for a raise"_**  
**_

Hank spoke up.

"They're striking? Well sir, fires don't go on strikes, I tell you what"_**  
**_

Red Blaze looked at Dale and Boomhauer.

"How about the rest of you ponies? You interested?"_**  
**_

"You talking about firepony man dang o i talking about 'ratfore 3 man ratfore 3 man emergency' man dang o I love that man"_**  
**_

"Fact. Volunteer fireponies receive sirens for their personal vehicles. Fact! And we can use them whenever we want. FACT!"_**  
**_

Hank looked at Dale.

"Dale, sirens are only for fire emergencies. Now Blaze, assuming I'll pass the required courses, will I get to drive the firetruck?"

"You got any speeding tickets?"

Hank shook his head.

"No sir!"

Dale waved his hoof.

"I used to! I used to!"

Hank and his friends, in ecstasy, ran to the fire truck.

* * *

**_Outside Ponyville Fire Station_**

**_The next day_**

Hank and his friends are practicing how to use a fire hose. Red Blaze lid a trash can on fire and told Hank and his friends to aim at the base of the fire. He told his partner Flame to turn on the faucet.

Dale had trouble aiming at the base of the fire.

Hank shouted.

"C'mon Dale! Straighten it out! Watch where you're aiming!"_**  
**_

Dale soon lost control and the fire hose wet Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer. Red Blaze sighed and put out the fire with a rain cloud. Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer glared at Dale.

Dale grinned nervously.

"Wasn't my fault. My mask fogged up"

Hank walked towards Dale and took out the cigarette.

"Dammit Dale. The safety and wellfare of Ponyville is at stake. Get serious!"

Hank threw the cigarette to the floor and stomped on it.

Flame motioned something to Red Blaze.

Red Blaze nodded.

"Good idea Flame. Alright! It's time you met the **Jaws**"

Flame took out the **Jaws** and showed it to Hank and his friends, who were all awed at the sight of the **Jaws**.

Red Blaze replied.

"**Jaws of Life** AKA the **Jaws**. Victim's trapped in something, this baby will peel it like an orange"

Flame used the **Jaws** to tear through a metal trash can.

Dale took out a ripe orange.

"Yeah? Well, let's see what it does with a REAL orange"

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

**_After some intense training_**

Bill and Boomhauer are playing ping pong. Dale, Flame, and Red Blaze are sitting on a couch, reading magazines. Hank walked in.

"Blaze I'd thought I'd go ahead and sharpen all the axes"

Dale sang.

"Hank's a lumberjack and he's OK"

Both Dale and Flame started laughing. Hank glared at Dale.

Red Blaze replied.

"Relax Hank! We're off the clock. Hey, say hello to Old Smokey, one of Ponyville's first firepony volunteers!"

He pointed to a dark red stallion with a gray mane and tail and wrinkly skin just like Granny Smith's. Hank walked up to Old Smokey.

"Well, what an honor, sir. Hank Hill, propane and propane accessories"

Old Smokey just burped and said:

"Aint you the idiot that screamed so hard, all of Ponyville heard it? I was taking my afternoon nap. Idiot."

Hank sighed.

"Um sorry about that"

Old Smokey rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm retired now. Who unplugged my sign?" Old Smokey said as he pointed to an electric "Dos A" Apple Cider sign.

Red Blaze replied.

"Smokey, you know you can't plug it in. It don't work right."

Dale stood up.

"I'll get it for ya!"

Dale plugs it back in, but receives an electric shock in the process.

Flame started to chuckle.

* * *

_**The next day**_

Hank and his friends were riding on the firetruck.

Hank spoke to Dale and Bill.

"Alright, let's talk about oxygen tanks. The cylinder gauge should be within how many PSI of the regulator gauge? Anyone?"

There was a short silence until Dale broke it.

"I am protesting the results of last night's ping pong tournament. Boomhauer cannot play the ball off of Bill's head!"

"No...we all agreed my head's in the play."

Hank noticed the fillies and the colts from school playing a pony version of football. Hank smirked and said through the fire truck's intercom:

"In the first round the Dallas Cowboys select Apple Bloom left tackle. Heh heh"

The fillies and colts ran towards at the firetruck. Apple Bloom smiled at Diamond Tiara.

"I told ya he was a firepony"

Diamond Tiara frowned.

"He's a volunteer"

Scootaloo shouted.

"Oh! Mr. Gribble! We're muddy! Can you hose us off?"

Dale smirked.

"Sure! I'll open up the hydrant"

Hank frowned.

"Dale, the hydrants are for fire emergencies"

Silver Spoon smirked.

"They don't know how to open a hydrant"

Diamond Tiara chuckled.

"Because they're volunteers"

Hank glared at Diamond Tiara.

"Miss, you're about to get VERY, **VERY** wet. Firepony Gribble! Drill time! Get me the hydrant wrench! Mr. Boomhauer, I need you to run a 3 inch hose! Bill, hook it up!"

Each of Hank's friends followed their orders. Dale tries to turn the wrench on the hydrant but can't.

"It's stuck"

Hank pushed Dale to the side.

"That's because you're turning it the wrong way. Give me the wrench!"

Bill's eyes widen.

"No! Wait!"

The hydrant suddenly shot water on Bill.

Hank shouted.

"Shut it off! SHUT IT OFF!"

Dale attacked the hydrant with the wrench. Hank pushed him aside and tried to shut it off.

"Dammit Dale! You stripped the bolt!"

"Wasn't me"

Boomhauer ran towards the hyrdant with the **Jaws**.

"Hey man yo dang o git out the way man"

Hank shouted.

"Quit it, knuckle head! The **Jaws** ain't for that!"

Boomhauer ignored Hank and cut through the hydrant, creating a geyser of water.

All the colts and fillies stood there with shocked looks on their faces.

Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer just stood there. Dale suddenly used his wings to fly away.

* * *

_**Interrogation Room**_

"So you were the ones who busted that hydrant. We got an anonymous call it was a bunch of fillies"

Dale spoke up.

"Bunch of fillies? I gave you names! Bloom, Apple! Belle, Sweetie!"

Bill spoke up.

"It was Dale"

Boomhauer stood up.

"Dang o Dale who took dem **Jaws of Life**"

Boomhauer then bonked Dale and Bill's heads together with his wings.

Hank sighed.

"The hydrant's the least of our problems. He doesn't care about that."

"He's right. I don't. You have half-wits could be looking at jail time!"

Dale cleared his throat.

"Uh...my name is Shackleford. Rusty Shackleford. I refuse to speak without my attorney"

Dale stood up and took off his hat.

"I am Mr. Shackleford's attorney, Rusty Shackleford. My client pleads insanity."

Bill stood up.

"My name is Dauterive comma Bill...and I am also insane."

Hank just groaned.

* * *

Dale took out a cigarette. The fire chief got angry.

"Gribble, you've had your cigarette"

"I know but now I'm smoking it as Rusty Shackleford."

Hank replied.

"You see what I have to deal with?"

The fire chief sighed.

"Let's just get back to the matter at hand. After you broke the fire hydrant..."

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

_**After the hydrant incident**_

Hank and his friends are resting, trying not to think about what happened.

Hank spoke up.

"Please guys. We've been given a once in a lifetime opportunity here, now let's not do anything more to screw this up. Now how about running some ladder carry drills?"

Dale replied.

"Not interested. You pushed me aside and made me look like a fool in front of those poor children"

Old Smokey suddenly woke up and looked at Dale.

"Hey sage. Plug in my 'Dos A' sign will ya?"

"Better not Dale. Remember? It doesn't work right"

Dale just sang as he reached to plug in the sign.

_Big Adventures_  
_Tons of Fun_  
_A Beautiful Heart_  
_Faithful and Strong_  
_Sharing Kindness_  
_Is a easy feat_

Hank glared at Dale.

"I said not to"

_And magic makes it all complete_

Bill took out can labeled VEGGIES.

"Hey I found a can with all kinds of vegetables. You know, I bet we can use this lid as...a Frisbee! Catch Hank!"_**  
**_

Bill, by accident, threw the lid at Boomhauer's ear.

"What o dang o ear man. wat are you tink you doing man dango fatty belt buckle man"

Boomhauer took the lid and threw it, missing Bill and hitting a window.

Red Blaze walked in.

"What the...? What's going on back here?"

Hank spoke up.

"I'll take care of it. Boomhauer, put some ice on that ear. Bill, you fix the window. Dale, you..."

Dale stood up, waving his hoofs in front of him.

"No! No more orders! Blaze, I cannot work with this man here. I want a transfer!"

Hank shouted.

"Dale shut up! You're acting like an idiot!"

_Do you know you're all my very best friends?_

Red Blaze shouted.

"That's enough! Now either you ponies get along, or I'll find four others who can!"

Hank dropped his jaw, along with his friends.

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

_**Nighttime**_

Hank walked in the fire station and saw that inside was messy. He was carrying an apple pie wrapped in tin foil. He saw Boomhauer reading a magazine Bill and Dale playing volleyball with the fire hose.

"You can't use the fire hose like that! You'll damage the elasticity!"

Dale replied.

"Whatcha got under the foil Mr. Party Pooper? Some Party Poop?"

"Um...Applejack made some apple pie for us"_**  
**_

Boomhauer replied when heard the word 'apple pie':

"Hey yo"

He took the apple pie and took it to the oven.

Bill talked to Dale.

"Hey Dale, I was ahead when Hank ruined our game, so I win right?"

"Wrong. You automatically lose. But I'll go double or nothing on the ping pong court"

"Alright"

"OK"

They both went to the ping pong table to play ping pong.

_**Moments later...**_

Hank is trying to sleep but Bill and Dale are still playing ping pong.

"OK fellas. Time to hit the hay! Knock it off!"

"The game's not over."

"Pick it up tomorrow!"

Boomhauer took the pie from the oven.

"Hey man heads up man dango hot apple pie man"

Hank went to the ping pong table and took the ball.

"Give me the ball dammit"

He crushed the ball with his hoof.

"There"

Bill looked at the ball then took Hank's glasses, put them on the floor, and stomped on them.

"There"

Hank gave Bill an angry glare almost as worst as "The Stare"

"Dang it Bill! That was my only pair of glasses!"

Dale shouted.

"Dang it Hank! That was our only ball!"

Dale took the apple pie from Boomhauer and threw it at Hank.

Hank ducked and the apple pie hit Bill. Bill took out the pie and screamed in pain. His face was burned. He threw the pie at Dale.

Boomhauer replied.

"Hey man dango put a scarf on that man"

Dale dodged the pie.

"HA HA HAH"

Bill muttered.

"My face hurts"

Hank started to chase Bill.

"And it's gonna match your flank when I'm done kicking it!"

Hank continued to chase Bill until Bill was stuck on the fire pole. Hank went back to bed.

"GOOD NIGHT"

Then he heard sounds coming from the ping pong table.

"ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING WITH THAT BUSTED BALL NOW? !"

Hank grabbed his mane and let out a deep groan.

He wen to the ping pong table and took the ball.

Red Blaze came in.

"I've got bad news ponies. Old Smokey died. Nature causes."

Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer became disappointed.

Bill just farted. Red Blaze became mad.

"Oh for crying out loud!"

* * *

_**The next day**_

The fire chief, Red Blaze, Flame, Cotton, Kahn, and the Mane 6 are in Old Smokey's funeral. Hank and his friends are bringing the coffin to the grave.

Dale spoke up.

"C'mon Hank pick up the pace!"

"I can't see where I'm going...Damn you Bill"

"Shh! Man dang o disrespectful man dang o LIFT Bill!"

"I AM! It's Dale! He's faking it!"

"Am not"

Hank became mad.

"Dale, no wonder my end feels so heavy. Get your hands on the casket!"

"It's bad luck!"

Hank's glasses fell and as he reached down to grab them, he fell down the open grave, along with his friends. Boomhauer, by accident, grabbed Old Smokey's funeral pants.

"Told ya it was BAD LUCK"

Everyone else looked down on the open grave with shocked faces except Cotton, who was smirking.

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

Hank and his friends are resting. Hank has a pissed look on his face.

Dale tried to talk to him.

"Hank I wanna offer"

"DON'T"

"I mean I just wanted to"

"NO. YOU CANNOT SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN"

Bill replied as he ate cupcakes.

"That goes for me too, faker"

"Why don't you eat some cupcakes? That's all you ever do is eat cupcakes. No wonder you WERE bald and your wife left you on Earth"

"Dang o amen"

"Hey...I'm burned"

Hank spoke up.

"All of you, go to bed"

Dale replied.

"Its 4 in the afternoon!"

"What did I tell you about talking to me?"

Bill stood up.

"Stop the fighting! This is no way to honor the memory of Old Smokey!"

Dale sighed.

"I think I shall honor Smokey's memory by plugging in his beloved 'Dos A' Apple Cider sign."

Dale plugged in the sign. Hank unplugged it. Dale plugged it back in it.

Just then the fire alarm went off.

Hank was happy.

"Our first fire! C'mon"

Hank and his friends prepared and went to the fire truck and headed out to the fire, which was at Sugar Cube Corner.

As Hank and his friends arrived at their destination, they got out of the truck and went to the fire...

...only to see Red Blaze put out the last fire.

"Fire's out, ponies"

Hank sighed.

"Oh. Well, that's good, I guess?"

"I was down at the street having a plaque made. I'd thought we'd rename the station 'Old Smokey Firehouse' since he didn't get a DECENT BURIAL"

All of a sudden their pagers started beeping.

Bill gasped.

"They're calling ALL units!"

"Where is it? !"

Hank looked at his pager.

"Oh my God..."

The fire station was burning to the ground.

Hank and his friends arrived.

"Where do you want us chief?"

"Back in the grave with Old Smokey!"

Dale took the plaque and put it on top of the ruins.

"Ahem. I hereby dedicate you the 'Old Smokey Firehouse'"

* * *

_**Interrogation Room**_

Hank spoke up.

"Sir, I've kept a journal of all the violations these 3 nincompoops committed and I'd be happy to turn..."

Dale interrupted Hank.

"I've read that journal, it's all lies! Hank did it! Bill did it too! I BEG THEM NOT TO! !"

Bill stood up and started to choke Dale.

"Why you chicken-necked ass, **I'll KILL YOU**! ! !"

Eventually the rest of the guys (ponies?) started fighting.

"Oh for Celestia's sakes..." the fire chief muttered as he used his magic to stop the fighting.

* * *

Hank and his friends stopped fighting.

The fire chief became more pissed.

"Well, I'd thought you guys had reached your peak when you pants Old Smokey in his funeral. But then you outdid yourself by burning down your own **FIRE HOUSE**!"

Hank replied.

"Not me. It was these screw ups."

Bill replied.

"Well maybe this is a wrong time to bring this up, but we are only volunteers"

The fire chief replied.

"We're going to go over every minute about what happened before you lame brains left for Sugar Cube Corner. Then I'll know which one of you to bring up on charges."

Hank and his friends gulped at the same time.

The fire chief pointed at Dale.

"Gribble you first"

Dale spoke up.

"Well, as usual..."

* * *

_**Dale's story**_

A buff Dale is smoking and checking the smoke alarm

"...I was performing fire safety checks on the station house"_**  
**_

Bill ate apple pie without his hooves.

"Bill had his face buried in apple pie"**_  
_**

Hank screamed at Dale like a drill instructor.

"Hank was giving orders for a change"

Boomhauer was working on his tan.

"And Boomhauer thought being a firepony meant a chance to work on his tan. Of course he didn't realize his tanning lotion had been replaced by some IcyHot Dale bought for top secret purposes."

Dale laughed as he saw Boomhauer trying to wipe the IcyHot off of him.

"But then the fire alarm went off, and Boomhauer knocked over his tanning lamp as he bolted upright. I raced for the firetruck at lightning speed"

Dale then flicked the lit cigarette to the ground.

* * *

"Uh...Uhh...That's all I remember"

"No way dango Gribble tell dang o crazy crap i'll tell what happend man dang o truth man Bill man throw BOOM right in my ear man"_**  
**_

* * *

_**Boomhauer's story**_

Dale is disabling the fire alarm.

"Hey man tell you what dang o detector talk about government freedom of smoke man tell you what dango yeah man. "

He bumped into Hank, who had a pissed look on his face.

"Hey man i'll tell you what man dang o boy aint right man talk about kick him dang o ass man"

Boomhauer spoke up.

"For Celestia's sakes, Hank. Act like a stallion, man. And keep it down ponies, will you? I am trying to get through an article on Gabby Gums and I've been on the same dang page for 20 minutes."

Bill took out apple pie from a toaster oven.

"dang'ol pretty pretty pie i tell you what"

Bill had forgotten the toaster oven as it began to burn.

* * *

"So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?"_**  
**_

"Not true. OK. I have a weakness for pies..."_**  
**_

* * *

_**Bill's story**_

A fatter pony version of Bill, with no mane or tail, took out the pie out of the oven.

"...I have a lot of weaknesses, actually but I remember turning off the oven"_**  
**_

He began to eat it without hooves. He then took out a bag of marshmallows and began cooking one marshmallow over the stove.

"Let's see. Uh...then I had myself a little dessert...Oh my"_**  
**_

He had forgotten the stove as it began to burn.

* * *

"Uhhhhh...OK...uhhhhh...so I turned off the toaster oven!"

The fire chief replied.

"Well what happened after the fire alarm went off?"

* * *

_**Bill's story (continued)**_

"Uhh...I was in the garage. Dale was switching the oxygen tanks."

* * *

The fire chief replied.

"What do you mean switching the tanks?"

Hank spoke up.

"Why would you switch the oxygen tanks?"

Dale answered.

"Oh let's face it. Me, Bill, and Boomhauer had no idea what we were doing. You're the only real firepony among us. I saw your tank was running low and mine was full. And I'd know you'd need every molecule of oxygen to carry our charred bodies out of that raging inferno"

The fire chief spoke up.

"So! The fire could have been caused by Gribble's smoking, Boomhauer's tanning, or Dauterive's cooking"

Hank spoke up.

"It could have been, but it wasn't. And I'd tell you why it wasn't I tell you what"

* * *

_**Hank's story**_

"We had finally realized our boyhood dreams"

"We became firefighters"

"except instead of fighting fires we were busy fighting each other"

"Anyway, the fire alarm went off"

"And I sprung into action"

"I turned off the lamp"

"turned off the stove"

"and put out the cigarette"

"I ran toward the fire truck and saw Dale fiddling on the back. I didn't know he was busy switching the oxygen tanks, awfully nice thing to do since we weren't on speaking terms"

Dale interrupted.

"Still aren't"

Hank continued his story.

"Then I pulled my blinker on to pull out"

"Wait a minute"

"I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror"

"I know what caused that the fire!"

"Somepony plugged in that stupid 'Dos A' Apple Cider sign!"

* * *

"And I'll tell you what that somepony had to be!"

Dale started to shake in fear.

"that somepony had to be"

Dale began to shake more.

"Old Smokey"

"I did not...OLD SMOKEY!"

"Yup. Smokey loved that sign. But hte dang thing didn't work right. It was just a real fire hazard. Isn't that right, Dale?"

"Uhhh...Yes. Old Smokey must of plugged that sign in the last time he was in the station. What a MORON, may he rest in peace. Right, Bill?"

"Right. Sounds like Smokey."

Hank, Bill, and Dale looked at Boomhauer, hoping he would agreed with them.

'Tell you what man go drag Smokey's name through the mud dang o DALE's the one who did it man dang o leave Old Smokey alone man"

The fire chief thought for a while and and replied.

'So each of everyone of you believes that Old Smokey started that fire"

Everyone nodded, except Boomhauer, who just sighed.

The fire chief sighed.

"Well it doesn't surprise me. I told him a half a dozen times not to plug in that sign. I don't know. Smokey was one buck of a firepony. I'd hate to soil his good name"

Hank suggested.

"Well I guess we could just call it an electrical fire"

The fire chief thought for a moment.

"Good idea. That's what we'll do"

He opened the door.

"You're free to go"

As he left, Bill told his friends:

"Well I heard Applejack's looking for some ponies for the Applebuck Season"

Hank interrupted.

"NO"

Bill smiled.

"It's all the apple cider we can drink!"

Hank eventually smiled.

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

Hank and his friends went back home.

* * *

_**Sweet Apple Acres**_

_**Nighttime**_

As Big Macintosh went into his room, he noticed Cotton throwing homemade darts at a poorly drawn picture of Big Macintosh.

Big Macintosh started to growl but immediately calmed down.

He went to his room with a scowl on his face.

"I'll talk to that Cotton fella. And if he doesn't listen to me, I'd MAKE him."

He didn't notice that Cotton was listening to him.

With a smirk, Cotton whispered.

"We'll see, you red son of a bitch...we'll see..."

**READ AND REVIEW!**

**I don't i'll do another chapter like this :D**


	16. Cotton VS Big Mac

_**Sweet Apple Acres**_

_**The next day**_

Hank and his friends are heading towards Sweet Apple Acres for jobs and, hopefully, cider.

Bill sighed at the sight of the massive apple orchard.

"Ah will you look at that..."

Hank rolled his eyes and saw Applejack.

He smiled and spoke up.

"Hey Applejack"

Applejack smiled.

"Howdy fellas! What brings ya here?"

Bill replied.

"I heard you needed help on the Applebuck Season"

Applejack nodded.

"I need some help. Mind if ya fellas help?"

Boomhauer nodded.

"Tell ya what man dang o applebuck season dang wat is that man"

Bill answered.

"You harvest apples"

Dale was confused.

"HOW?"

Bill smirked and headed towards an apple tree. He turned around and kicked the tree with his back legs.

After some more explaining, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer knew what to do.

Applejack smiled.

"C'mon I'll give ya fellas your harnesses"

As Hank and his friends followed Applejack, Hank asked.

"How's my dad?"

Applejack grinned.

"He's getting along wit Big Mac. Why ya ask?"

Just then they saw Cotton flew and crashed into an apple tree. Applejack, Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer were shocked at the sight and saw Big Macintosh, with a furious look on his face.

* * *

_**Earlier**_

Cotton was busy bucking apple trees. He didn't notice somepony walking up to him.

"Listen Cotton."

Cotton waved him off with his hoof.

"Shut your mouth, Clifford the Big Red Dog"

Big Macintosh growled.

"WILL YA JUST LISTEN TO ME?"

Cotton turned around and smirked.

"And what makes you think I would do that?"

Big Macintosh continued to growl.

"**FOR CELESTIA'S SAKES, IF YA DO NOT SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME...!**"

Cotton continued to smirk.

"What are you going to do? Mr. **RED SON OF A BITCH WITH AN APPLE UP HIS GODDAMN ASS**?"

Big Macintosh snapped. He turned around and bucked Cotton on the face. Cotton flew and collided with a tree.

* * *

_**Now**_

Applejack screamed.

"Big Macintosh! What in tarnation are ya doing?"

Before Big Macintosh could answer, Cotton immediately got up and headbutted Big Macintosh.

Cotton laughed.

"Is that all you got, Kool-Aid?"

Hank shouted.

"DAD! STOP!"

Big Macintosh got up and charged at Cotton.

Cotton dodged and kicked Big Macintosh on the flank.

Big Macintosh got more pissed and kicked Cotton on the face.

Cotton flew and hit an apple tree but got up right away.

He started to laugh evilly which made Big Macintosh even more mad.

"**I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YUIR DAMN LAUGHING! ! ! ! !**"

He ran up to Cotton and headbutted him so hard that when Cotton got up, there was some blood on his nose.

Big Macintosh glared at Cotton. Cotton glared at Big Macintosh...

...

...and started to roar with laughter.

Big Macintosh gritted his teeth.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?"

Cotton smiled.

"**You're strong**! You actually kicked my ass, or as you ponies say, flank. Even my own son can't kick my flank. Maybe you ain't like my son. I had you wrong!"

Cotton smiled and raised his hoof towards Big Macintosh.

Big Macintosh glared at Cotton...

...and smiled, as he shook Cotton's hoof.

Cotton replied.

"You got blood on your nose."

Big Macintosh wiped the blood on his nose.

"Thanks. Ya also got some blood on yuirs."

Cotton smiled and wiped the blood on his nose.

Both Cotton and Big Macintosh continued to buck trees.

They didn't notice Applejack, Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer standing there confused.

Hank smiled weakly.

"Well, at least now they don't hate each other"

Applejack nodded and smiled weakly.

"I guess yuir right"

Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer followed Applejack to get their harnesses, trying to forget what just happened.

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	17. Who's Rusty Shackleford?

_**Rainbow Dash's House**_

_**After 2 hours of bucking trees**_

Dale was flying towards Rainbow Dash after some with a cigarette in his mouth. Hank had made a deal with Dale: 10 cigarettes for 5 bits.

Dale smiled as he walked inside.

"Hey Rainbow Dash"

Rainbow Dash smiled.

"Hey Dale. Umm...can I ask you something?"

Dale nodded.

"Maybe"

Rainbow Dash frowned.

"Who's Rusty Shackleford?"

Dale's eyes widen.

""Umm..."

Dale reminded himself to thank Bill for telling him some My Little Pony info.

"LOOK! THE WONDERBOLTS!"

Rainbow Dash turned around.

"WHERE? !"

She turned around and saw Dale flying away.

She quickly flew to block the door, smirking.

Dale gulped and said.

"PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED BY THE DEADLIEST OF ALL MARTIAL ARTS...**MONKEY STYLE**!"

He started acting like an angry monkey, which made Rainbow Dash laugh.

When she was on the floor laughing, she noticed Dale successfully make his escape

She got angry but started to giggle.

"I'll talk to him later. And I'll make sure he doesn't try to escape..."

* * *

**_Twilight's Library_**

Dale flew to the library and smirked when he saw something he had thought was left behind on Earth.

Hank using his propane grill.

He walked towards Hank and saw that he was grilling carrots.

Hank offered one to Twilight.

She blew on it softly and slowly chewed it and smiled.

"This is actually pretty good"

Hank smiled. His grill was a success.

Twilight asked Dale.

"How's Rainbow Dash?"

Dale looked nervous.

"Um...she's OK...um...hey Twi? You got an extra jacket I can borrow...and some sand?"

* * *

_**Rainbow Dash's House**_

_**Nighttime**_

Rainbow Dash was waiting for Dale.

She made sure that he wouldn't get away this time.

Dale flew towards Rainbow Dash, now wearing a purple jacket.

When he went inside, he saw a smirking Rainbow Dash.

"I knew you'd come back. Now answer my question. WHO'S RUSTY SHACKLEFORD?"

Dale looked nervous.

"That's classified information!"

Rainbow Dash looked angry.

"ANSWER ME!"

Dale gulped and reached for the pocket on his jacket...

"**POCKET SAND! ! ! ! ! !**"

He threw some sand at Rainbow Dash's face, blinding her.

She screamed and had a pissed look on her face.

Dale realized this was probably a bad idea.

She jumped on him and started to punch Dale on the face repeatedly.

When she got her sight back, she realized what she did.

She jumped off of Dale and said":

"Oh my Celestia...I'm...sorry..."

She then flew at her room with tears in her face.

Dale just sat there.

"Jesus Christ..."

He sighed and knew what to do. Something he would thought he would never do.

He walked into Rainbow Dash's room. He saw Rainbow Dash was crying on her bed.

Dale smiled weakly.

"Um...Hey Rainbow Dash"

She looked at Dale and jumped up at Dale, hugging him tightly and sobbing on his shoulders.

"Dale...I'm sorry..."

Dale sighed and looked sad.

"No Rainbow Dash. I'M sorry. I shouldn't have threw that sand on you. It was my fault."

Dale sighed again and told his secret.

"Rusty Shackleford...is my alias, you know, a false name used to conceal one's identity. Back in Earth, I didn't want anyone, well, maybe except my friends, to know my name, so I took a name from a classmate whom I thought was dead. Ever since then, I used that name..."

Rainbow Dash looked at Dale with her sad eyes.

"I'm still sorry for beating you..."

Dale waved her off with his hoof.

"I already told you. It's my fault. I should have just told you in the first place. You don't have to apologize"

Rainbow Dash stopped crying and smiled.

"Thanks Dale"

Dale was confused.

Is she doing what I think she's doing, he thought.

She suddenly kissed Dale, who just stood there with a shocked look on his face.

When she broke the kiss, she noticed Dale's look on his face.

"Oh...I'm sorry Dale..."

Dale smiled weakly.

"It's alright. It's just...that I'm already married."

Rainbow Dash's eyes widen.

"Oh my Celestia. I'm REALLY sorry."

Dale smiled.

"Don't worry about it. I didn't tell you in the first place anyway"

Rainbow Dash was confused.

"Where is your wife?"

Dale frowned.

"I don't know. When I got into this world, I didn't see my wife. But I know that she's safe."

Dale yawned.

"Well, I should get some sleep. Sorry about all this"

Rainbow Dash smiled.

"It's OK. None taken"

Dale then had a stern look on his face.

"DO NOT tell ANYONE about who Rusty Shackleford is, OK?"

Rainbow Dash nodded.

"OK, I promise"

Dale smiled at her and went to his room.

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	18. The Order of the Straight Arrow

**_Twilight's Library_**

**_Midnight_**

Hank was up all night, reading a book in his bedroom.

As he read his book he became more tired.

Eventually, he fell asleep and had a crazy dream...

* * *

"Now for the final test"

"The Snipe hunt"

_**SNIPE HUNT**_

_**PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA 19XX**_

Colt versions of Hank, Bill, Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn are sitting next to a campfire. Cotton and Hank's friends' dads were standing in front of the fire. Cotton was busy talking to the colts.

"Not gonna sugar coat it. Some of you aint coming back. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. Those who don't, will be DEAD. Questions? ARE YOU READY?"

Kahn shouted.

"Yeah! Um...uh..."

Cotton walked up to Kahn with a pissed look on his face.

"You flunked the test of silence Kahn. Give me your silence stick!"

Kahn handed him his silence stick. Cotton broke it in half.

"For the rest of your long miserable life, you will carry the scar of failure. Now go get me a cupcake."

Kahn walked away, sad.

"And ya colts get out there and bag some snipe!"

He screamed at the colts, which scared them away. Dale tried to look for the snipe. Hank tapped his shoulder.

Dale yelled.

"SNIPE!"

Hank was standing there with Bill and Boomhauer.

Hank replied.

"Shut up Dale. There is no snipe. I heard my dad talking to your dad"

Bill asked.

"So what are we doing out here?"

Boomhauer took out a bottle of Sweet Apple Acre's Finest Sparkling Apple Cider.

"We're gonna git snackered i tell you wat boy i wanna get messed up and dang o pollute our minds dang o 3 sheets to dang ol' wind man"

The colts were awed at the sight of the cider.

Bill took a sip and shuddered.

"When I grow up I'm gonna drink this stuff everyday just like my dad, and fly jets and maybe even be an astronaut."

Dale took the bottle of cider and took a sip.

"I'm gonna live in Manehatten and be a rich millionaire and have ponies SENT TO THE MOON!"

Hank took the bottle of cider and took a sip.

"I'm gonna sell propane and propane accessories, if my grades are good enough"

Boomhauer took the bottle of cider and took a sip.

"Dang o tell ya wat man kids and their crazy dreams"

* * *

_**8:00 AM**_

Hank woke up suddenly and just sat there.

"That dream was so weird, I can't even blink"

Eventually, he had an idea...

* * *

**_Fluttershy's Cottage_**

Fluttershy was busy feeding the animals.

She noticed Dale flying towards her.

Dale landed next to her.

"Hey Fluttershy"

Fluttershy ignored him, she had a disappointed look on her face.

Dale frowned.

"What's wrong?"

Fluttershy answered without looking at him.

"Rainbow Dash told me about you."

Dale cringed. Did Rainbow Dash already told Fluttershy about Rusty Shackleford?

Fluttershy continued with her eyes closed.

"She told me you were an Exterminator. You killed animals."

Dale looked around her cottage and understood what she was talking about.

Bill once told Dale about Fluttershy. He told him about how she loves animals.

Dale wanted to say something but Fluttershy waved him off with her hoof.

"I think you should go Mr. Gribble."

Dale walked away sad.

He saw Hank walking towards him. Hank had went to visit Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. He also went to his Bill and Boomhauer and is now going to Dale.

Hank spoke up.

"Hey Dale! Can you help me out with something?"

Dale nodded.

"Maybe"

Hank continued.

"Remember the 'Order of the Straight Arrow' back when we were kids?"

Dale smiled.

"How could I forget?"

Hank smirked.

"Well we're gonna make some mares out of those Cutie Mark Crusaders tomorrow, I tell you what."

* * *

_**Fluttershy's Cottage**_

_**The next morning**_

Hank once again thanked Fluttershy for letting the Cutie Mark Crusaders camp next to Fluttershy's home, since it looked appropriate for a camp site.

Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo stood there, busy talking to each other.

Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer stood in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Hank cleared his throat.

"Alright, fillies. Welcome to the Order of the Straight Arrow. I am Hank Hill. These are my friends Dale Gribble, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer. The Order of the Straight Arrow will make you mares if you succeed, maybe even get your Cutie Marks. If you don't...you will be fillies for the rest of your miserable lives. Any questions?"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were not even paying attention and continued talking.

Hank got pissed.

"**SHUT UP!**"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders suddenly stopped talking.

Hank sighed and took out 3 carrot sticks.

"OK. The 24 hour oath of silence starts now. Here are your silence sticks"

Hank gave each filly a carrot stick.

Apple Bloom spoke up.

"Those are carrot sticks"

Hank rolled his eyes.

"That's what fillies call them. MARES calls them silence sticks to test your spirit of **SHUTTING UP! **Each time you talk, I take a bite. Talk 5 times and you're out. 24 hour silence starts NOW."

After a few seconds, the Cutie Mark Crusaders spoke up at the same time:

"RIGHT NOW?"

Hank sighed.

"You fillies just talked. Now I'll let that pass but don't talk again!"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders smiled and, at the same time, said:

"Thanks, Mr. Hill"

Hank groaned.

"Give me those carrots"

He took their carrots and took a bite out of each of them.

* * *

_**Nighttime**_

After hours of biting carrot sticks, Hank set up a campfire.

"I am Kicking Elk. As long as the sacred fire is burning, the oath of silence is suspended"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were happy and started to talk.

Hank got angry.

"SHUT UP! I'm talking here!"

Hank cleared his throat.

"We, of the Order of the Straight Arrow, call upon the spirit of Wematanye, protector of the sacred ground that brings us cool water to drink and energy-efficient, clean-burning propane gas for all our sacred heating and cooking needs. Wematanye says respect Equestria. She's ours, by Celestia, our taxes paid for her."

Hank took out a piece of paper.

"Also, uh, it says here you've got to love all her creatures. Uh, here we go. Though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you're gonna recommend us to the spirit in the sky. With liberty and justice for all. Wematanye is with you, and with Ponyville. AMEN."

* * *

Hank continued.

"Now we will say the oath of the Order of the Straight Arrow."

Everyone stood up and, together, said:

**A STRAIGHT ARROW TELLS THE TRUTH. A STRAIGHT ARROW LOVES NATURE. A STRAIGHT ARROW WILL NOT ALLOW THE FLIMFLAM BROTHERS BACK IN OUR TOWN NOR DRINK THEIR CIDER. WEMATANYE!**

Hank said:

"And now for the final test..."

"...The Snipe Hunt"

Hank said, in a scary voice:

"You are about to come face to face with the deadliest beast in creation. Those who survive will be honored members of the Order of the Straight Arrow. And those who don't, will be DEAD."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped.

He looked up to the sky.

"Oh, Wematanye, protect us on our hunt."

Bill walked up to the The Cutie Mark Crusaders with sacks and sticks.

"All right. This here's your WHUP-ASS STICK to beat the snipe back in case he comes at you."

Sweetie Belle asked.

"Wh...What does a snipe look like?"

Dale answered in an evil voice.

"It's got red, glowing eyes, long, crooked teeth, a claw and a tail with ANOTHER claw on its end."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders gasped.

Hank whispered to Dale.

"Easy, Dale."

Hank spoke to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"Bill and I will take the lead. Boomhauer and Dale will bring up the rear. Remember, the snipe call is this: **WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO**."

Hank and his friends led them to a bush next to the Everfree Forest.

"Well, call him out fillies! He's not just going to show up."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders started to say **WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO**.

Bill shouted.

"Oh, I think I hear him!"

Hank smirked.

"Look out, Bill. He almost got you."

Hank and his friends came out of the bush, chuckling.

Scootaloo screamed and a THUMP was heard.

She came out of the bush with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo had a big smile on her face.

"**I GOT ONE! ! ! DOES THIS MEAN I GET MY CUTIE MARK? !**"

Hank was confused.

"What the...? What are you talking about?"

Scootaloo gave Hank the bag. Hank emptied it and, to everyone's horror, saw what it really was.

Bill screamed like a girl.

"**OH MY CELESTIA! THAT'S A PHOENIX! ! !**"

Bill fainted.

* * *

Bill eventually woke up.

Dale was poking the phoenix with a stick.

"You really done it..."

Hank got angry.

"What do you mean 'YOU?' We're in this together."

Dale slowly backed away.

"Whoa, NO. You and I may be acquainted but we are not traveling companions. I'm merely here to enjoy Earth Day, if it had existed here, and play some hackey-sack."

Bill sighed.

"Dale, you're not going anywhere."

Hank groaned.

"Now, let's just go to sleep"

Dale nodded.

"Yes, yes. We...we'll all just go to sleep now."

Hank sighed.

"Bill, tie him up."

Apple Bloom picked up the phoenix and repeatedly said Wematanye and **WOO-LOO-LOO, WOO-LOO-LOO**.

Hank sighed.

"Apple Bloom, would you please knock it off? You're driving me nuts. There is no Wematanye. It's just some damn nonsense we made up to fill out the weekend. Tell her Dale."

Dale glared at Hank.

"How do you know my name, phoenix killer? I never met any of you people before in my life"

Hank sighed.

"Tell her, Bill"

Bill replied to Apple Bloom.

"He's right, Apple Bloom. It's all crock. Those spirit bags of yours are just Pinkie Pie's flour bags and, by the way, she wants them back."

Apple Bloom looked sad, along with Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo.

Apple Bloom said:

"So...everything you said was all a lie?"

Hank shouted.

"YES! That's the secret of the snipe hunt. That's the whole point."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders had sad faces on them.

Hank looked at them and was sad.

"I'm sorry...Apple Bloom...Sweetie Belle...Scootaloo..."

Just then, the phoenix woke up and flew to the sky, awing everyone.

Hank realized was just unconscious.

"WELL I'LL BE DAMNED!"

Apple Bloom's jaw dropped to the ground.

"**WEMATANYE! ! ! !**"

She smiled brightly.

"I'm just like Zecora."

Hank sighed but smiled.

Eventually, everyone smiled and laughed.

* * *

_**Fluttershy's Cottage**_

_**The next day**_

Fluttershy was busy feeding her animals.

She noticed a small ant hill and walked up to it.

Immediately, small red ants came up to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy frowned.

"Uh oh"

* * *

Dale and Rainbow Dash flew to Fluttershy's cottage.

Rainbow Dash admitted that when she and Fluttereshy were talking one time, Rainbow Dash, by accident, mentioned what Dale did back on Earth. Rainbow Dash decided to make it up to Dale by helping him get along with Fluttershy.

"OK. Now we need to find..."

Dale and Rainbow Dash heard Fluttershy's voice.

"Um, Rainbow Dash..."

Rainbow Dash smiled.

"Oh, Fluttershy there you ar**AAAH! ! !**"

Both Rainbow Dash and Dale were shocked to see millions of fire ants covering Fluttershy.

Fluttershy looked scared.

"Take them off."

Dale shouted.

"Fluttershy, don't move a muscle! If you move, those fire ants are all gonna sting!"

Dale raised his hoof at Fluttershy.

"Take my hoof, Fluttershy. The ants will swarm on me."

Fluttershy cringed.

"What if they don't?"

Dale smirked.

"Oh, they will."

Fluttershy took Dale's hoof.

Dale was still smirking.

"They've been waiting to get a piece of me for 15 years"

Eventually all the fire ants got off of Fluttershy and headed towards Dale.

Dale laughed.

"Come and get it, boys"

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stood there with looks of shock and horror on their faces.

Dale was getting stung by fire ants and eventually said:

"**YOUCH**"

Dale fell down, motionless. The fire ants got off of Dale.

Fluttershy screamed.

"DALE, NO!"

She went to Dale's side and hugged him tightly with tears on her face.

"Oh...Oh Celestia...You sacrificed your life to save mine...I'm so sorry for not trusting you in the first place...If you can hear me...I'm...sorry...Dale Gribble...my friend..."

Dale coughed up some fire ants...

...

...

...and woke up, asking Fluttershy:

"While I was blacked out, was anything inserted in me?"

Fluttershy looked at Dale with tears and a smile.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

Dale just replied:

"Answer the question"

She continued to hug Dale, with tears of joy on her face.

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but smile. Happy that her best friend...made a new best friend.

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	19. SURPRISE!

_**Sweet Apple Acres**_

_**The next day**_

Cotton and Big Macintosh were busy bucking apple trees.

Cotton smiled.

"I think thats the last of dem"

Big Macintosh nodded.

"Eeyup"

Cotton glared at Big Macintosh.

"If you do that 'Eeyup' thing, i'll kick your ass"

Big Macintosh chuckled.

"Don't cha mean flank?"

Cotton laughed.

"Well, you git the idea!"

They both started to chuckle.

Despite the fact Big Macintosh says 'Eeyup,' Cotton now respects Big Macintosh, much to Big Mac's relief.

* * *

_**A couple minutes later**_

Cotton was heading home tired. He noticed Hank, Bill, Dale, Kahn, and Boomhauer, who were all walking in the same direction Cotton was heading.

Cotton raised an eyebrow.

"What're ya guys doing here?"

Hank shrugged.

"Applejack told us to come here, more specifically, the barn."

Cotton shrugged and headed towards the barn, along with the rest of the guys.

When they opened the doors...

**SURPRISE! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**

The guys recoiled backwards, both surprised.

They saw the Mane 6, wearing party hats and large grins.

Bill gasped.

"The party! How could I forgot the party that Pinkie Pie was gonna throw! ! !"

The guys looked up to see a banner that said: **Welcome to Ponyville Hank, Dale, Bill, Boomhauer, Kahn, and Cotton!**

Kahn just sighed.

"Great. Redneck party."

Bill angrily glared at Kahn.

"DID YOU JUST CALL APPLEJACK A REDNECK? !"

Kahn shrugged.

"So, what?"

Bill growled.

"KAHN. You call Applejack a redneck, that'll be the last mare you ever called a redneck."_**  
**_

Kahn growled.

"Applejack..."

Bill continued to growl.

"**KAHN...**"

Kahn continued to growl.

"isaredneck"

Bill jumped on top of Kahn, beating the daylights out of him.

Hank sighed.

Bill eventually stopped beating up Kahn and enjoyed the party.

Kahn was lying there with bruises.

Pinkie Pie bounced to him.

"Awwww...Looks like somepony needs a hug!"

She began to hug Kahn tightly, much to Kahn's surprise.

Cotton rolled his eyes.

"Leave it to a woman to turn a welcome party into a love shack"

Dale walked up to Cotton with a large smile on his face.

"Permission to hug you Colonel?"

Cotton pushed Dale.

"**DENIED!** Go hug your wife"

Dale frowned.

"I can't. I don't know where she is, remember?"

Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared next to him.

"Looks like you need somepony to hug!"

Before Cotton could say a Bible verse about how women should remain silent in churches and are not allowed to speak, Pinkie Pie immediately wrapped her hooves around Cotton.

Cotton just rolled his eyes.

Twilight walked up to Hank.

"Is your father always like this?"

Hank sighed and nodded.

"Yeah. Back on Earth he would always take advantage of women like, ugh, slapping their, uh, behinds"

Twilight nodded. She understood.

Hank frowned.

"He even taught my son, Bobby, that women should be made to cook and clean for their husbands all day long."

Twilight's eyes widen.

"Your son?"

Hank nodded.

"Yeah. Back in Earth, I was married and had a son. My wife is Peggy Hill and my son is Bobby Hill"

Hank turned around and saw Cotton trying to free himself from Pinkie Pie's grasp.

Hank chuckled at the sight.

"Well. It is a party. Might as well enjoy it."

* * *

Bill and Boomhauer were snickering at a corner.

They saw Rainbow Dash and Hank putting a fake ball-and-chain on Dale, while he was bobbing for apples.

Rainbow Dash and Hank walked away slowly with large smirks on their faces.

Boomhauer walked up to Dale.

"Hey man Dale why don't you dang o give me a dang ol cider man?"

Dale nodded and, as he went to get an apple cider, he noticed the fake ball-and-chain.

Dale began to panic.

"AHHH! Woah, what is it! A **BOMB**! AHHH! I CAN'T LOSE IT! ITS AFTER ME! AHHH!"

Rainbow Dash, Bill, Boomhauer, and Hank stood there laughing their flanks off.

* * *

Rarity and Twilight were chuckling at the sight of Cotton break dancing.

Cotton roared with laughter.

"**I'M COTTON HILL. AND I KILLED FIDDYMEN!**"

Twilight wondered who this fiddymen was. She will ask him later.

* * *

Dale and Boomhauer started fighting each other over something.

Hank and Applejack stopped their fighting.

Kahn walked up to Dale and Boomhauer.

"You must settle this like men. **ANGRY REDNECK MEN**! Blunder busters at 20 paces!"

Applejack looked confused.

"What in tarnation's a redneck?"

* * *

"Hank? Where are you?"

Dale was looking for Hank.

He found 2 coffins at the side of the barn.

Applejack and Hank slowly raised from them.

Dale screamed and ran away.

Applejack chuckled.

"Good idea to get 2 old trunks and pretend to be zombies. Think we should check up on yuir friend?"

Hank smirked.

"Over my DEAD body"

Applejack and Hank started to laugh.

* * *

_**Nighttime**_

Hank and his friends were heading home.

Hank waved goodbye.

"Thanks again for the party! It was great"

Hank's friends waved goodbye, both happy.

Hank smiled. He thought this place was weird, but now he knows he's gonna enjoy this world.

**READ AND REVIEW!**


	20. Chapter 15 with character commentary!

**Bad news everyone. Writer's block. It's gonna be a while before a find some material. To make it up, I decided to do a lil' "experiment"**

**I will do the Chapter 15: A FireFighting We Will Go! **BUT** with commentary from KOTH characters.**

**Here's how it will go:**

**Character - [what they're saying]**

**In this chapter, I will use **Dale, Bill, and Cotton**.**

**Enjoy!**

_**Interrogation Room**_

A red unicorn with a grey mane and tail and a fireman's (or firepony's) helmet is pacing back and forth with a pissed look on his face.

**Dale - [This is Dale Gribble and you are reading Dang O' Ponies by Ltmajordude]**

Hank, Bill, Dale, and Boomhauer are sitting down with worried faces. Hank's glasses and Dale's sunglasses are broken. Bill's face has been burned. Boomhauer has a bandage on his ear.

**Bill - [My name is ****William Fontaine de la Tour Dauterive** and you are reading Dang O' Ponies]

The red stallion, who was the fire chief, glared at Hank and his friends.

**Cotton - [COTTON HILL!]**

"You guys are in BIG BIG trouble. This is the worst offense I've seen in my 14 years of chief fire investigator!"_**  
**_

**Bill - [I've never saw that pony in My Little Pony]**

******Dale - [Ltmajordude just made him up for creative purposes]**

Bill immediately stood up from his chair.

"Dauterive comma William Fontaine de la Tour comma Ex Sergeant Barber comma United States"

Hank snapped.

"Comma numbskull comma shut up!"

**Cotton - [Someone's pissed]**

Dale stood up from his seat.

"Well gotta go"

The fire chief glared at Dale.

"Sit DOWN. Nobody's going anywhere until I found out how this happened. Now, according to Red Blaze's statement, you were reading books inside Miss Sparkle's library"

* * *

**_Twilight's Library_**

**_5 days _****_earlier_**

Hank, Dale, Boomhauer, and Twilight are busy reading books.

**Cotton - [Books? Really?]**

******Dale - [What the hell were we supposed to do?]**

Hank spoke up.

"I talked to Bill, he said he was gonna be late today"

Just then, they heard a fire truck outside. Hank and his friends stepped outside to see the fire truck stopped in front of the library.

Twilight chuckled.

"There's old Red Blaze and his fire truck"

**Bill - [I've never saw that pony in M...]**

**********Dale - [We get the idea Bill]**

A light red Pegasus came out of the fire truck. Bill also came out of the fire truck with a firepony's helmet. Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer looked at him with surprised looks.

He ran to his friends.

"I'm a firepony! I'm a..."_**  
**_

Bill suddenly tripped over a stone.

**Cotton - [TIMBER! ! ! !]**

******Dale - [Heh heh]**

**********Bill - [meh]**

Hank sighed.

The red Pegasus, who was named Red Blaze, walked up to Hank.

"Professional fireponies got the red flu this morning, leaving just us volunteers. They're holding out for a raise"_**  
**_

Hank spoke up.

"They're striking? Well sir, fires don't go on strikes, I tell you what"_**  
**_

Red Blaze looked at Dale and Boomhauer.

"How about the rest of you ponies? You interested?"_**  
**_

"You talking about firepony man dang o i talking about 'ratfore 3 man ratfore 3 man emergency' man dang o I love that man"_**  
**_

**Cotton - [wat]**

"Fact. Volunteer fireponies receive sirens for their personal vehicles. Fact! And we can use them whenever we want. FACT!"_**  
**_

******Dale - [I just realized there are no vehicles here in Equestria. I feel like an idiot]**

**********Cotton - [Says the guy who doesn't know that his wife cheated on him...]**

**********************Dale - [What?]**

**********************************Cotton - [What? God, you won't shut up]**

Hank looked at Dale.

"Dale, sirens are only for fire emergencies. Now Blaze, assuming I'll pass the required courses, will I get to drive the firetruck?"

"You got any speeding tickets?"

Hank shook his head.

"No sir!"

Dale waved his hoof.

"I used to! I used to!"

Hank and his friends, in ecstasy, ran to the fire truck.

**Cotton - [homos...]**

* * *

**_Outside Ponyville Fire Station_**

**_The next day_**

Hank and his friends are practicing how to use a fire hose. Red Blaze lid a trash can on fire and told Hank and his friends to aim at the base of the fire. He told his partner Flame to turn on the faucet.

**Bill - [I've never saw th...]**

******Cotton - [DAMNIT FATTY! SHUT UP!]**

Dale had trouble aiming at the base of the fire.

Hank shouted.

"C'mon Dale! Straighten it out! Watch where you're aiming!"_**  
**_

Dale soon lost control and the fire hose wet Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer. Red Blaze sighed and put out the fire with a rain cloud. Hank, Bill, and Boomhauer glared at Dale.

Dale grinned nervously.

"Wasn't my fault. My mask fogged up"

**Dale - [To be fair...my mask WAS fogged up]**

Hank walked towards Dale and took out the cigarette.

"Dammit Dale. The safety and wellfare of Ponyville is at stake. Get serious!"

Hank threw the cigarette to the floor and stomped on it.

Flame motioned something to Red Blaze.

Red Blaze nodded.

"Good idea Flame. Alright! It's time you met the **Jaws**"

Flame took out the **Jaws** and showed it to Hank and his friends, who were all awed at the sight of the **Jaws**.

******Cotton - [meh]**

Red Blaze replied.

"**Jaws of Life** AKA the **Jaws**. Victim's trapped in something, this baby will peel it like an orange"

Flame used the **Jaws** to tear through a metal trash can.

Dale took out a ripe orange.

"Yeah? Well, let's see what it does with a REAL orange"

******Cotton - [Why does Ltmajorsumthing bold the word Jaws?]**

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

**_After some intense training_**

Bill and Boomhauer are playing ping pong. Dale, Flame, and Red Blaze are sitting on a couch, reading magazines. Hank walked in.

"Blaze I'd thought I'd go ahead and sharpen all the axes"

******Cotton - [(Sigh)...That's my boy]**

Dale sang.

"Hank's a lumberjack and he's OK"

Both Dale and Flame started laughing. Hank glared at Dale.

Red Blaze replied.

"Relax Hank! We're off the clock. Hey, say hello to Old Smokey, one of Ponyville's first firepony volunteers!"

He pointed to a dark red stallion with a gray mane and tail and wrinkly skin just like Granny Smith's. Hank walked up to Old Smokey.

**Bill - [I've nev...]**

**Cotton - [that's it]**

**Bill - [OW!]**

"Well, what an honor, sir. Hank Hill, propane and propane accessories"

Old Smokey just burped and said:

"Aint you the idiot that screamed so hard, all of Ponyville heard it? I was taking my afternoon nap. Idiot."

Hank sighed.

"Um sorry about that"

Old Smokey rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm retired now. Who unplugged my sign?" Old Smokey said as he pointed to an electric "Dos A" Apple Cider sign.

**Bill - [I've...never mind]**

**Cotton - [Smart choice]**

Red Blaze replied.

"Smokey, you know you can't plug it in. It don't work right."

Dale stood up.

"I'll get it for ya!"

Dale plugs it back in, but receives an electric shock in the process.

Flame started to chuckle.

* * *

_**The next day**_

Hank and his friends were riding on the firetruck.

Hank spoke to Dale and Bill.

"Alright, let's talk about oxygen tanks. The cylinder gauge should be within how many PSI of the regulator gauge? Anyone?"

**Bill - [I had no idea what he jsut said]**

There was a short silence until Dale broke it.

"I am protesting the results of last night's ping pong tournament. Boomhauer cannot play the ball off of Bill's head!"

"No...we all agreed my head's in the play."

Hank noticed the fillies and the colts from school playing a pony version of football. Hank smirked and said through the fire truck's intercom:

"In the first round the Dallas Cowboys select Apple Bloom left tackle. Heh heh"

The fillies and colts ran towards at the firetruck. Apple Bloom smiled at Diamond Tiara.

"I told ya he was a firepony"

Diamond Tiara frowned.

"He's a volunteer"

**Bill - [Ugh, I _hate_ Diamond Tiara]**

Scootaloo shouted.

"Oh! Mr. Gribble! We're muddy! Can you hose us off?"

Dale smirked.

"Sure! I'll open up the hydrant"

Hank frowned.

"Dale, the hydrants are for fire emergencies"

Silver Spoon smirked.

"They don't know how to open a hydrant"

**Bill - [Ugh, I _hate_ Silver Spoon]**

Diamond Tiara chuckled.

"Because they're volunteers"

Hank glared at Diamond Tiara.

"Miss, you're about to get VERY, **VERY** wet. Firepony Gribble! Drill time! Get me the hydrant wrench! Mr. Boomhauer, I need you to run a 3 inch hose! Bill, hook it up!"

Each of Hank's friends followed their orders. Dale tries to turn the wrench on the hydrant but can't.

"It's stuck"

Hank pushed Dale to the side.

"That's because you're turning it the wrong way. Give me the wrench!"

Bill's eyes widen.

"No! Wait!"

**Bill - [But of course he didn't...(Sigh)]**

The hydrant suddenly shot water on Bill.

Hank shouted.

"Shut it off! SHUT IT OFF!"

Dale attacked the hydrant with the wrench. Hank pushed him aside and tried to shut it off.

"Dammit Dale! You stripped the bolt!"

"Wasn't me"

**Dale - [It was NOT me]**

Boomhauer ran towards the hyrdant with the **Jaws**.

**Cotton - [There goes Ltmajorsumthing bolding the word Jaws...]**

"Hey man yo dang o git out the way man"

Hank shouted.

"Quit it, knuckle head! The **Jaws** ain't for that!"

Boomhauer ignored Hank and cut through the hydrant, creating a geyser of water.

All the colts and fillies stood there with shocked looks on their faces.

Hank, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer just stood there. Dale suddenly used his wings to fly away.

**Cotton - [coward]**

* * *

_**Interrogation Room**_

"So you were the ones who busted that hydrant. We got an anonymous call it was a bunch of fillies"

Dale spoke up.

"Bunch of fillies? I gave you names! Bloom, Apple! Belle, Sweetie!"

**Bill - [I would have blamed Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Those two little BITCHES...]**

******Dale - [Whoa]**

**********Cotton - [Damn. Easy there Fatty...]**

Bill spoke up.

"It was Dale"

Boomhauer stood up.

"Dang o Dale who took dem **Jaws of Life**"

Boomhauer then bonked Dale and Bill's heads together with his wings.

**********Cotton - [I never get tired of seeing that]**

Hank sighed.

"The hydrant's the least of our problems. He doesn't care about that."

"He's right. I don't. You have half-wits could be looking at jail time!"

Dale cleared his throat.

"Uh...my name is Shackleford. Rusty Shackleford. I refuse to speak without my attorney"

Dale stood up and took off his hat.

"I am Mr. Shackleford's attorney, Rusty Shackleford. My client pleads insanity."

**********Cotton - [More like stupidity]**

Bill stood up.

"My name is Dauterive comma Bill...and I am also insane."

Hank just groaned.

**Dale - [COMMERCIAL!]**

* * *

Dale took out a cigarette. The fire chief got angry.

"Gribble, you've had your cigarette"

"I know but now I'm smoking it as Rusty Shackleford."

**********Cotton - [You get more stupid every minute]**

Hank replied.

"You see what I have to deal with?"

The fire chief sighed.

"Let's just get back to the matter at hand. After you broke the fire hydrant..."

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

_**After the hydrant incident**_

Hank and his friends are resting, trying not to think about what happened.

Hank spoke up.

"Please guys. We've been given a once in a lifetime opportunity here, now let's not do anything more to screw this up. Now how about running some ladder carry drills?"

**********Cotton - [Pump Jockey]**

Dale replied.

"Not interested. You pushed me aside and made me look like a fool in front of those poor children"

Old Smokey suddenly woke up and looked at Dale.

"Hey sage. Plug in my 'Dos A' sign will ya?"

"Better not Dale. Remember? It doesn't work right"

Dale just sang as he reached to plug in the sign.

_Big Adventures_  
_Tons of Fun_  
_A Beautiful Heart_  
_Faithful and Strong_  
_Sharing Kindness_  
_Is a easy feat_

**********Bill - [:D]**

**********Dale - [I'm a fast learner]**

Hank glared at Dale.

"I said not to"

_And magic makes it all complete_

Bill took out can labeled VEGGIES.

"Hey I found a can with all kinds of vegetables. You know, I bet we can use this lid as...a Frisbee! Catch Hank!"_**  
**_

Bill, by accident, threw the lid at Boomhauer's ear.

**********Cotton - [I never get tired of seeing that]**

"What o dang o ear man. wat are you tink you doing man dango fatty belt buckle man"

Boomhauer took the lid and threw it, missing Bill and hitting a window.

Red Blaze walked in.

"What the...? What's going on back here?"

Hank spoke up.

"I'll take care of it. Boomhauer, put some ice on that ear. Bill, you fix the window. Dale, you..."

Dale stood up, waving his hoofs in front of him.

"No! No more orders! Blaze, I cannot work with this man here. I want a transfer!"

**********Cotton - [Dumbass]**

Hank shouted.

"Dale shut up! You're acting like an idiot!"

_Do you know you're all my very best friends?_

**********Bill - [Dale just got 20% more cooler!]**

**********************Dale - [What?]**

Red Blaze shouted.

"That's enough! Now either you ponies get along, or I'll find four others who can!"

Hank dropped his jaw, along with his friends.

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

_**Nighttime**_

Hank walked in the fire station and saw that inside was messy. He was carrying an apple pie wrapped in tin foil. He saw Boomhauer reading a magazine Bill and Dale playing volleyball with the fire hose.

"You can't use the fire hose like that! You'll damage the elasticity!"

**********Cotton - [Works for tips.]**

Dale replied.

"Whatcha got under the foil Mr. Party Pooper? Some Party Poop?"

"Um...Applejack made some apple pie for us"_**  
**_

**********Bill - [Ahh...who else but Applejack...]**

Boomhauer replied when heard the word 'apple pie':

"Hey yo"

He took the apple pie and took it to the oven.

Bill talked to Dale.

"Hey Dale, I was ahead when Hank ruined our game, so I win right?"

"Wrong. You automatically lose. But I'll go double or nothing on the ping pong court"

"Alright"

"OK"

They both went to the ping pong table to play ping pong.

_**Moments later...**_

Hank is trying to sleep but Bill and Dale are still playing ping pong.

"OK fellas. Time to hit the hay! Knock it off!"

**********Bill - [Heh heh...Hit the hay]**

"The game's not over."

"Pick it up tomorrow!"

Boomhauer took the pie from the oven.

"Hey man heads up man dango hot apple pie man"

Hank went to the ping pong table and took the ball.

"Give me the ball dammit"

He crushed the ball with his hoof.

"There"

Bill looked at the ball then took Hank's glasses, put them on the floor, and stomped on them.

"There"

Hank gave Bill an angry glare almost as worst as "The Stare"

**********Bill - [Hank's glare was like Fluttershy's Stare. God help us all]**

"Dang it Bill! That was my only pair of glasses!"

Dale shouted.

"Dang it Hank! That was our only ball!"

**********Dale - [That WAS our only ball]**

Dale took the apple pie from Boomhauer and threw it at Hank.

Hank ducked and the apple pie hit Bill. Bill took out the pie and screamed in pain. His face was burned. He threw the pie at Dale.

Boomhauer replied.

"Hey man dango put a scarf on that man"

Dale dodged the pie.

"HA HA HAH"

Bill muttered.

"My face hurts"

Hank started to chase Bill.

"And it's gonna match your flank when I'm done kicking it!"

Hank continued to chase Bill until Bill was stuck on the fire pole. Hank went back to bed.

**********Dale - [Ltmajordude should have been more detailed with the chase]**

"GOOD NIGHT"

Then he heard sounds coming from the ping pong table.

"ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING WITH THAT BUSTED BALL NOW? !"

Hank grabbed his mane and let out a deep groan.

He wen to the ping pong table and took the ball.

Red Blaze came in.

"I've got bad news ponies. Old Smokey died. Nature causes."

Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer became disappointed.

Bill just farted. Red Blaze became mad.

**********Dale - [Ltmajordude should have been more detailed with that fart]**

"Oh for crying out loud!"

* * *

_**The next day**_

The fire chief, Red Blaze, Flame, Cotton, Kahn, and the Mane 6 are in Old Smokey's funeral. Hank and his friends are bringing the coffin to the grave.

Dale spoke up.

"C'mon Hank pick up the pace!"

"I can't see where I'm going...Damn you Bill"

**********Bill - [You broke the ball]**

"Shh! Man dang o disrespectful man dang o LIFT Bill!"

"I AM! It's Dale! He's faking it!"

"Am not"

**********Dale - [ ;) ]**

Hank became mad.

"Dale, no wonder my end feels so heavy. Get your hands on the casket!"

**********Bill - [Not sure if Hank meant to say 'hooves']**

**********Dale - [or it was Ltmajordude's typo]**

"It's bad luck!"

Hank's glasses fell and as he reached down to grab them, he fell down the open grave, along with his friends. Boomhauer, by accident, grabbed Old Smokey's funeral pants.

"Told ya it was BAD LUCK"

Everyone else looked down on the open grave with shocked faces except Cotton, who was smirking.

**********Cotton - [You idiots wouldn't survive 2 days in Vietnam]**

* * *

**_Inside Ponyville Fire Station_**

Hank and his friends are resting. Hank has a pissed look on his face.

Dale tried to talk to him.

"Hank I wanna offer"

"DON'T"

"I mean I just wanted to"

"NO. YOU CANNOT SPEAK TO ME EVER AGAIN"

Bill replied as he ate cupcakes.

"That goes for me too, faker"

**Bill - [Faker]**

"Why don't you eat some cupcakes? That's all you ever do is eat cupcakes. No wonder you WERE bald and your wife left you on Earth"

"Dang o amen"

"Hey...I'm burned"

Hank spoke up.

"All of you, go to bed"

Dale replied.

"Its 4 in the afternoon!"

"What did I tell you about talking to me?"

Bill stood up.

"Stop the fighting! This is no way to honor the memory of Old Smokey!"

**Bill - [I don't even know the guy. If it was Granny Smith, then I would be more upset]**

**Dale - [I'm surprised Ltmajordude didn't do Cotton Hill and Granny Smith pair]**

**Cotton - [It wouldn't work out but eh let the fans decide]**

Dale sighed.

"I think I shall honor Smokey's memory by plugging in his beloved 'Dos A' Apple Cider sign."

Dale plugged in the sign. Hank unplugged it. Dale plugged it back in it.

Just then the fire alarm went off.

Hank was happy.

"Our first fire! C'mon"

Hank and his friends prepared and went to the fire truck and headed out to the fire, which was at Sugar Cube Corner.

As Hank and his friends arrived at their destination, they got out of the truck and went to the fire...

...only to see Red Blaze put out the last fire.

"Fire's out, ponies"

Hank sighed.

"Oh. Well, that's good, I guess?"

"I was down at the street having a plaque made. I'd thought we'd rename the station 'Old Smokey Firehouse' since he didn't get a DECENT BURIAL"

**Cotton - [One of the best things I've ever saw]**

All of a sudden their pagers started beeping.

Bill gasped.

"They're calling ALL units!"

"Where is it? !"

Hank looked at his pager.

"Oh my God..."

**Bill - [Celestia]**

The fire station was burning to the ground.

Hank and his friends arrived.

"Where do you want us chief?"

"Back in the grave with Old Smokey!"

Dale took the plaque and put it on top of the ruins.

"Ahem. I hereby dedicate you the 'Old Smokey Firehouse'"

**Cotton - [More like 'Old Smokey Dump']**

* * *

_**Interrogation Room**_

Hank spoke up.

"Sir, I've kept a journal of all the violations these 3 nincompoops committed and I'd be happy to turn..."

Dale interrupted Hank.

"I've read that journal, it's all lies! Hank did it! Bill did it too! I BEG THEM NOT TO! !"

Bill stood up and started to choke Dale.

"Why you chicken-necked ass, **I'll KILL YOU**! ! !"

**Bill - [Should have said 'Scootaloo-necked flank'. heh heh...Sorry Scootaloo]**

Eventually the rest of the guys (ponies?) started fighting.

"Oh for Celestia's sakes..." the fire chief muttered as he used his magic to stop the fighting.

**Dale - [COMMERCIAL TIME!]**

* * *

Hank and his friends stopped fighting.

The fire chief became more pissed.

"Well, I'd thought you guys had reached your peak when you pants Old Smokey in his funeral. But then you outdid yourself by burning down your own **FIRE HOUSE**!"

**Cotton - [heh heh. I love it when people are pissed]**

Hank replied.

"Not me. It was these screw ups."

Bill replied.

"Well maybe this is a wrong time to bring this up, but we are only volunteers"

**Bill - [We ARE volunteers]**

The fire chief replied.

"We're going to go over every minute about what happened before you lame brains left for Sugar Cube Corner. Then I'll know which one of you to bring up on charges."

Hank and his friends gulped at the same time.

The fire chief pointed at Dale.

"Gribble you first"

**Cotton - [turn up the volume. I wanna hear this]**

******Dale - [Um...Colonel...This is a fan fiction]**

**********Cotton - [well then turn up the brightness or sumthing]**

Dale spoke up.

"Well, as usual..."

* * *

_**Dale's story**_

A buff Dale is smoking and checking the smoke alarm

"...I was performing fire safety checks on the station house"_**  
**_

Bill ate apple pie without his hooves.

"Bill had his face buried in apple pie"**_  
_**

Hank screamed at Dale like a drill instructor.

"Hank was giving orders for a change"

Boomhauer was working on his tan.

"And Boomhauer thought being a firepony meant a chance to work on his tan. Of course he didn't realize his tanning lotion had been replaced by some IcyHot Dale bought for top secret purposes."

**********Cotton - [heh heh 'top secret']**

Dale laughed as he saw Boomhauer trying to wipe the IcyHot off of him.

"But then the fire alarm went off, and Boomhauer knocked over his tanning lamp as he bolted upright. I raced for the firetruck at lightning speed"

Dale then flicked the lit cigarette to the ground.

**********Cotton - [dumbass]**

* * *

"Uh...Uhh...That's all I remember"

"No way dango Gribble tell dang o crazy crap i'll tell what happend man dang o truth man Bill man throw BOOM right in my ear man"_**  
**_

* * *

_**Boomhauer's story**_

Dale is disabling the fire alarm.

"Hey man tell you what dang o detector talk about government freedom of smoke man tell you what dango yeah man. "

**********Dale - [I sound stupid]**

He bumped into Hank, who had a pissed look on his face.

"Hey man i'll tell you what man dang o boy aint right man talk about kick him dang o ass man"

**********Cotton - [Man my boy actually speaks perfect gibberish]**

Boomhauer spoke up.

"For Celestia's sakes, Hank. Act like a stallion, man. And keep it down ponies, will you? I am trying to get through an article on Gabby Gums and I've been on the same dang page for 20 minutes."

Bill took out apple pie from a toaster oven.

"dang'ol pretty pretty pie i tell you what"

**********Bill - [I sound stupid]**

Bill had forgotten the toaster oven as it began to burn.

* * *

"So you're saying that Bill left the oven on?"_**  
**_

"Not true. OK. I have a weakness for pies..."_**  
**_

* * *

_**Bill's story**_

A fatter pony version of Bill, with no mane or tail, took out the pie out of the oven.

**********Cotton - [Jesus Bill...]**

"...I have a lot of weaknesses, actually but I remember turning off the oven"_**  
**_

He began to eat it without hooves. He then took out a bag of marshmallows and began cooking one marshmallow over the stove.

"Let's see. Uh...then I had myself a little dessert...Oh my"_**  
**_

He had forgotten the stove as it began to burn.

**********Cotton - [dumbass]**

* * *

"Uhhhhh...OK...uhhhhh...so I turned off the toaster oven!"

The fire chief replied.

"Well what happened after the fire alarm went off?"

* * *

_**Bill's story (continued)**_

"Uhh...I was in the garage. Dale was switching the oxygen tanks."

* * *

The fire chief replied.

"What do you mean switching the tanks?"

Hank spoke up.

"Why would you switch the oxygen tanks?"

Dale answered.

"Oh let's face it. Me, Bill, and Boomhauer had no idea what we were doing. You're the only real firepony among us. I saw your tank was running low and mine was full. And I'd know you'd need every molecule of oxygen to carry our charred bodies out of that raging inferno"

**********Cotton - [Fake Story...Someone give me a glass of wine]**

The fire chief spoke up.

"So! The fire could have been caused by Gribble's smoking, Boomhauer's tanning, or Dauterive's cooking"

Hank spoke up.

"It could have been, but it wasn't. And I'd tell you why it wasn't I tell you what"

* * *

_**Hank's story**_

"We had finally realized our boyhood dreams"

**Bill - [Not sure if Hank meant to say 'colthood dreams']**

**Dale - [or it was Ltmajordude's typo]**

**************Cotton - [Noticed how ltmajorsumthing copy n' paste?]**

"We became firefighters"

"except instead of fighting fires we were busy fighting each other"

"Anyway, the fire alarm went off"

"And I sprung into action"

"I turned off the lamp"

"turned off the stove"

"and put out the cigarette"

"I ran toward the fire truck and saw Dale fiddling on the back. I didn't know he was busy switching the oxygen tanks, awfully nice thing to do since we weren't on speaking terms"

Dale interrupted.

"Still aren't"

**Dale - [heh heh]**

Hank continued his story.

"Then I pulled my blinker on to pull out"

"Wait a minute"

"I remember seeing some kind of yellow light in the mirror"

"I know what caused that the fire!"

"Somepony plugged in that stupid 'Dos A' Apple Cider sign!"

* * *

"And I'll tell you what that somepony had to be!"

Dale started to shake in fear.

"that somepony had to be"

Dale began to shake more.

**************Cotton - [Dale]**

"Old Smokey"

**************Cotton - [Gribble wait wat?]**

"I did not...OLD SMOKEY!"

"Yup. Smokey loved that sign. But hte dang thing didn't work right. It was just a real fire hazard. Isn't that right, Dale?"

"Uhhh...Yes. Old Smokey must of plugged that sign in the last time he was in the station. What a MORON, may he rest in peace. Right, Bill?"

"Right. Sounds like Smokey."

Hank, Bill, and Dale looked at Boomhauer, hoping he would agreed with them.

'Tell you what man go drag Smokey's name through the mud dang o DALE's the one who did it man dang o leave Old Smokey alone man"

**************Cotton - [Snitch]**

The fire chief thought for a while and and replied.

'So each of everyone of you believes that Old Smokey started that fire"

Everyone nodded, except Boomhauer, who just sighed.

**************Cotton - [tough luck Boomhauer]**

The fire chief sighed.

"Well it doesn't surprise me. I told him a half a dozen times not to plug in that sign. I don't know. Smokey was one buck of a firepony. I'd hate to soil his good name"

Hank suggested.

"Well I guess we could just call it an electrical fire"

The fire chief thought for a moment.

"Good idea. That's what we'll do"

He opened the door.

"You're free to go"

As he left, Bill told his friends:

"Well I heard Applejack's looking for some ponies for the Applebuck Season"

Hank interrupted.

"NO"

Bill smiled.

"It's all the apple cider we can drink!"

**Bill - [Shame it's not beer]**

Hank eventually smiled.

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

**Bill - [Eeyup...heh heh]**

Hank and his friends went back home.

**Dale - [For some reason I'm sensing Déjà Vu]**

* * *

_**Sweet Apple Acres**_

_**Nighttime**_

As Big Macintosh went into his room, he noticed Cotton throwing homemade darts at a poorly drawn picture of Big Macintosh.

**Cotton - [Hell I still have that drawing]**

Big Macintosh started to growl but immediately calmed down.

He went to his room with a scowl on his face.

"I'll talk to that Cotton fella. And if he doesn't listen to me, I'd MAKE him."

******Bill - [Whoa]**

He didn't notice that Cotton was listening to him.

With a smirk, Cotton whispered.

"We'll see, you red son of a bitch...we'll see..."

**Cotton - [heh heh. Red son of a bitch]**

******Bill - [You still hate him?]**

**********Cotton - [Nope. Though that Eeyup thing gets annoying]**

**************Dale - [Eeyup...heh heh]**

******************Cotton - [SHUT UP]**

**********************Dale - [Sir yes sir]**

* * *

**********************************************Dale - [Well this ends our chapter ****commentary**]  


******************************************************Bill - [Please give us your honest opinions on this 'experiment']**

**************************************************************************Cotton - [And give Ltmajorsumthing some suggestions. This writers' block is starting to kill him]**

* * *

**************************************************************************READ & REVIEW!**


	21. THE END

**SO SO SO-O-O Sorry for the long wait.**

**School's more harder than i thought  
**

**I have no idea how i'm gonna keep continuing this story so...  
**

**The final chapter of Dang O' Ponies. Please enjoy it!**

* * *

**_Twilight's Library_**

Twilight and Hank were busy reading books when all of a sudden Spike came in and burped out a scroll.

Hank was used to seeing that.

Twilight read the scroll and smiled.

"Princess Celestia is coming to visit!"

Hank smiled.

"I'll be damned. I'll finally meet that mare Bill wouldn't shut up about."

Twilight nodded.

"It says she wants to meet you, Dale, Boomhauer, Kahn, Cotton, and Bill."

"SHE WANTS TO MEET ME-E-E-E-E-E-E-E! ?" Bill said as he suddenly appeared in front of Twilight and Hank, surprising them both.

Hank rolled his eyes. "Oh God"

* * *

**_The next day  
_**

**__****_Twilight's Library_**

Hank, his friends, Kahn, Cotton, the Mane 6, Spike, and Applejack's family were waiting for Princess Celestia.

Kahn groaned.

"This redneck pony probably not even come..."

"It's 'will probably not come' Mr. Kahn"

Kahn turned around and gasped, along with Hank, Dale, Cotton, Boomhauer, and Bill.

Bill screamed like a Japanese schoolgirl. **"OH MY GOD! IT'S PRINCESS CELESTIA! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"**

Princess Celestia laughed. "You must be Bill, the brony."

She looked over to Bill's friends.

"And you must be Hank Hill, Dale Gribble, Cotton Hill, Kahn Souphanousinphone, and Jeff Boomhauer"

Boomhauer, the ladies' man, was blushing, much to Kahn amusement.

Twilight bowed to her mentor.

"So what brings you here?"

Celestia frowned. This was more harder than she thought.

"I...came here to give some bad news"

Everypony looked surprised and worried.

Celestia looked over to Hank and his friends.

"You are all aware, except for Cotton, how you got here?"

Dale nodded.

"Sure. Our world ended."

Celestia nodded.

"Because your God started a rapture."

Bill was surprised.

"Wow"

Celestia bit her lip.

"However, your God now regrets destroying your world so..."

"...He's bringing us back from the dead?" Hank interrupted with a shocked look on his face.

Celestia slowly nodded.

Hank lowered his head.

Dale gulped.

Bill let out a tear.

"Jesus Christ" Boomhauer muttered.

Kahn just shook his head.

"Your fucking kidding me" Cotton muttered.

Everypony all had shocked looks on their face.

"I'm sorry" Celestia whispered.

She looked at Cotton.

"You get to stay, since you died before the rapture"

Cotton lowered his head and angrily let a tear out.

Hank, who was actually crying, spoke up.

"When do we leave?"

Celestia answered back sadly.

"Now"

Bill whispered, "Can we say our goodbye?"

Celestia slowly nodded.

Hank walked up to Twilight and Spike.

"Well, bye, I guess. Damn, I'm not good at this"

Twilight and Spike hugged Hank, to his surprise.

"That's OK" Twilight said.

"We'll miss you!" Spike said.

Dale walked up to Rainbow Dash.

"Ummmmm..."

Rainbow Dash smiled and nudged Dale's shoulder.

"Goodbye, _Rusty Shackleford_"

Dale couldn't help but laugh.

Bill walked up to a sad Pinkie Pie.

"Goodbye Pinkie Pie. Oh come on! Where's the happy Pinkie I knew?"

Pinkie Pie was still sad.

Bill smiled.

"Did I tell you the time when Hank's gender was female on his license"

Hank glared at Bill, who just smiled nervously.

Pinkie couldn't help but laugh her flank over that.

Boomhauer walked up to Rarity.

"Well man dang o good bye i guess"

Rarity kissed Boomhauer on the cheek.

"Good bye Mr. Boomhauer"

Bill looked envious.

"Lucky bastard. Got kissed by Rarity"

Kahn walked up to Fluttershy.

"Good bye Fluttershy. Don't let rednecks get to you"

Fluttershy couldn't help but giggled.

"Good bye Mr. Super Phone"

"Souphanousinphone" Kahn corrected as he hugged her.

Hank walked up to Cotton.

Cotton looked the other way. "God damnit"

"Good bye Dad."

"Good bye Colonel" Dale replied.

"Take good care of the ponies" Bill begged.

Cotton sighed and said what he couldn't believe we would say.

"Goodbye son" as he hugged Hank.

Applejack and her family walked up walked up.

"We'll miss you Hank Hill"

Hank smiled.

"You got Big Mac with you to remind you"

Everypony, even Big Macintosh and Cotton, started to laugh.

Hank and his friends walked up to Celestia.

They all nodded.

Celestia's started to glow.

Hank and his friends waved one last time.

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

"Yeah"

A white light suddenly appeared and got bigger and bigger.

* * *

Hank suddenly woke up.

He looked at his alarm clock.

_12:01 AM_

Hank sighed and went back to sleep.

* * *

"Yup"

"Yup"

"Mmm hmm"

Hank Hill, Bill Dauterive, and Jeff Boomhauer replied.

They were outside Hank's house, sipping beer.

A few minutes later, they noticed someone in a radioactive suit coming out of Dale's house.

"Oh God" Hank muttered after realizing who it was:  
Dale Gribble.

The suited man came to the guys and took out his mask.

Dale sighed. "I guess the world really didn't end"

Boomhauer smiled and tossed Dale a beer. "Dang o its alright Gribble man"

Dale joined with the guys and started to drink beer.

Kahn came out of his house to take out the trash.

"Hey Kahn! Wanna a beer?" Bill shouted.

Kahn shrugged. "Why not?"

Kahn joined with the guys and started to drink beer.

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"Hey Bill" Hank said.

"Yeah?" Bill answered.

"You got some My Little Pony CDs we can watch?"

Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn looked happy.

Bill smiled. "**DO I? ! ? !**"

He ran to his house, followed by his friends.

This day was about to be 20% cooler...

_**THE END**_

**That's a wrap everypony!**

**Sorry i had to end it. But stay tuned for** I Killed Fitty Men, Not Ponies

**Until then, see ya next time!**


	22. SEQUEL

Attention Readers:

A good friend of mine volunteered to write a sequel!

A second chance

Link: www. fanfiction s / 9088401 / 1 /


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